Kashmir Tragicomedy 2010
Amid success of idiots all wasn't really well with us in the year we are bidding a good-bye to
GOODBYE 2010 BY M HYDERI
2010 started with the success of Aamir starer 3 Idiots. Thereafter there was no looking back. From three at the Box Office to scores beyond, it was a year of idiots with Chamatkaar pay Chamatkaar on every front.
The movie was such an instant hit that even the state politics couldn’t stay immune to the 3- Idiots wave when the controversy over a morphed image rocked the floor of the state House with the ruling National Conference openly accusing the opposition PDP of digitizing its leadership to the three bathing in drums.
The controversy died but the Chamatkaars didn’t. From chronic rights abuse during the summer unrest, which claimed over 112 lives to political hiccups to administrative failures, everything looked a feel-good-factor to those at the helm of affairs even as the government spokesman blew the trumpet, singing: Aal ijjj Well.
Aal is well … Me is fed up of this “misguiding” number. Yes, this song truly proved misguiding for Kashmiris like Me. Whenever some Life was Out of Control, men in uniform rounded their lips to blow the Seeti.
But then all wasn’t really well. Like always, a whistle on Kashmir streets was an aftermath of some deadly action. Either those killed, or wounded while staging protests against human rights abuse were being rushed for treatment. Or, it was the time to get a roadside beating simply because in Kashmir, Seeti Bajana (an exclusive right of a trooper), primarily means curfew.
Before gluing more of Urdu to my English yearender, which is turning eight this year, Me wants to clarify that the 3-Idiots wave might have faded in the rest of India, but the Seeti of uncertainty coupled with government’s All is Well number verily testify that for the streets of Kashmir, its still time for some “twist” on the Zubbi Dooby number. Read on:
Chamatkaar Pay Chamatkaar
Let’s start with further “bashing” Aamir Khan. From a student at Masti ki Paathshaala to dedicated teacher on the floors of TZP, Aamir Khan films, his fans claim, have always had an ultimate blend of characters. But then why couldn’t the 3-Idiots look beyond the character of Director ICT, Dr V SahastraBudhi aka Virus. Had the filmmaker been aware of controversial edicts of Education Minister, Peerzada Muhammad Sayeed, the film director would have given a second thought to his idea of getting the south Indian Sahastra Budhay to limelight.
Real life Peerzada, has proved himself of being a Mantri of hardcore decisions far harder than the reel-life Sahastra Budhay, who come what may listens to a 5-minute opera while getting a shave.
During summers when the Valley was under curfew, Pirzada wanted education go on by enforcing camping of teachers and the taught at schools. But the then attendance registers were loosing the two to rights abuse like killings, injuries and arrests.
That was his summer heat wave. Take the chill in his latest: Pirzada’s decision to keep the schools open during harsh Himalayan winter is in force. This too to enforce education of syllabus for which the students have already qualified their term-end exams.
This raises some queries: Where the final exams (void of syllabus completion) idiotic or are the chilly classes ridiculous? Will his logic someday end up in news headlines on scam of heating arrangement bungling worth millions of rupees? Or, will it be a story of riches out of coal Bukharies? But this is not my set of queries for the Minister or his Yes Minister brigade of officials at Directorate of School Education Kashmir. I want to pose him a simple question. Respected Mantri Ji, will your ever go for election campaigning after declaration of the poll results?
Jaadu Hai, Nasha Hai
What is Kashmir issue? Well for some part of the year, it looked Jaadu to which some Nasha spiced up at the end. This is what one could infer from the news reports.
During his Kashmir visit in May, Prime Minister, Dr Manmohan Singh while commenting over solution to K-issue said “don’t expect me to pull a rabbit out of hat.” Later, a team from New Delhi to review the K-situation said, they “don’t have a magic wand for quick solution.”
Magic, for a few months could even be seen on the streets. In the initial months of the “Quit Kashmir Movement”, people religiously followed Syed Ali Geelani’s calendars: Damma Dum Must Calendar!
As if the senior separatist leader did some Geeli Geeli Choo that normalcy would resume and rollback within minutes. There were moments, as reported in GK, when the streets would be deserted till 11:59 AM only to be flooded by 12:00 and again go deserted at 1:59 PM.
But then as if the AXN series to reveal World’s Best Kept Magic secrets worked in Kashmir as well. Geelani couldn’t uphold his magic till many got confused taking his calendars as a new avatar of Black and White era’s childhood riddle: Calendar Kay Sau Aagay Calendar...
As for the Jaadu Hai buzz, it didn’t conclude without Nasha Hai consonance. Filmmaker Mahesh Bhatt visited Kashmir to give the government his feedback over the K-word. The Jism maker Bhatt became the latest face speaking K. But this K was interestingly different from the K he is known for in his Emraan Khan starrers. Anyways, with every Tom, Dick and Hyderi joining the K-Chorus, Babu Kasai and Santu Halwai may soon take to Bollywood streets pressing for their demand to be given a role in the K-issue.
Do Kadam Tum Bhi Chalo
Verily, one must appreciate the way the union government team, an All Party Delegation including Ram Vilas Paswan and young and dynamic MP Asad Ud Din Owaisi made their visit to Kashmir, historic.
Much against making it a usually expected All Party Picnic to Kashmir, they volunteered to knock the doors of Hurriyat leadership and didn’t mind talking to them virtually on the crossroads where media was a witness to all bits and bytes.
Let’s mind that for a place like Kashmir where a Minister is too egoistic to review performance of his departments, a separatist leader is too reluctant to consult his rival faction, an official is too hesitant to sign a genuinely long pending file; the union team acted all the way different, in response to people’s protest which compelled them for the trip.
Many say when the All Party Team knocked Geelani’s door, it was the opportune time for him to shelve his calendar rather than making it fade away with time. But then many say many things. Many even say that there need to be dissimilarities between a leader as a guiding force and a magnetic compass that too when no leadership but common man’s protests prompted New Delhi to relook into its K-policies this year.
Why does the Srinagar City often face curfews? Well a reason to this could be that the state police chief Kuldeep Khoda was often reportedly seen stuck in the traffic jams during the normal days.
The policing this year had many facets. One of them, as per prominent expert on Tourism, Nazir Ahmed Bakshi, was Dabbang. People privy to Bakshi said when during curfew he once saw the policemen attempting to flex muscles on him, it reminded him of the Salman Khan’s latest blockbuster.
As for the IGP, Shiv Murari Sahai, unrest came a full circle. In the 2008 Ragda, Sahai was transferred in the midst of the turmoil. In 2010, he was called back to assume charge for the remaining part of the Ragda II till he became icon in the police force. About the City police chief, Syed Ashique Bukhari, he can’t be called a “normal” policeman. This is because, the Chief Minister on getting Bukhari as SSP Srinagar during the June unrest pleaded that his predecessor Javed Reyaz was a “normal” policeman and so couldn’t be fit for the abnormal situation. As for the officials like IGP Hemant Kumar Lohia and DIG Rouf Ul Hassan, known for taking citizen friendly initiatives in the past, they were kept away from the situation.
Namak Halal instinct
The way, the state government tackled the unrest till over 112 persons were killed and hundreds wounded or arrested, reminds me of a boardroom sequence from yesteryear movie Namak Halal. At the boardroom Arjun Singh, I mean Amitabh, did some “crisis management” when a Makhi, the fly dares to sit on the faces of delegates. Big B dislikes every nose where the Makhi sits. He takes all measures to prevail upon the situation by hitting every nose that comes his way to get rid of the Makhi.
Likewise, during the unrest, from South Kashmir’s Mirwaiz to President of JK High Court Bar Association Mian Abdul Qayoom to Dukhtaran-e-Millat Chief Syeda Asiya Andrabi, over 2000 were reportedly arrested in an attempt to the fight the situation which erupted with the killing of Shahr-e-Khaas teenager Tufail Ahmed Mattoo.
But then there was a difference. Unlike Namak Halal, the Kashmir situation wasn’t Phunny for any reasons. As for Syeda Asiya Anrdabi, hardly any of her political colleagues, has sought the release of this mother of two minors who has nobody back home to look after the kids.
Tu Paise Paisa Karrti hai
The interlocutors for Kashmir who often pleaded that the Kashmiri youth, mostly unemployed, were feeling alienated, finally ended up getting some good perks for themselves. Thanks to a query over right to information that the central government disclosed their perks of 1.50 lacks per month plus VIP facilities.
Dosti Pakki, Kharcha Apna Apna
Even though separatist leaders –Mirwaiz, Dr Umar Farooq and Muhammad Yasin Malik –joined hands to be friends in deed during the unrest, the Mirwaiz Hurriyat got a separate signature campaign done for attachment to a memorandum before the international community. This is despite the fact that the Malik’s JKLF had already compiled a signature campaign some five years back.
Ghar Aaya Mera Pardesi
Seperatistomainstream leader Sajad Gani Lone could be missing from the political arena but when it came to TV shows on Kashmir unrest, he bagged the best TRPs ratings. Critics may call him a “political artist”, but jokes apart, Lone, who is one of my favorites, is a wonderful communicator. Wish he gets the same into his political image.
Lakdi Ki Kathi
From attempting a Ringa Ringa Roses, what the party called a Secreteriat Gherao on July 30, to Chinese Whisper like scenes where Muzaffar Hussain Baig would spill the beans at TV shows; the PDP did everything expect playing its much needed role of a strong and serious Opposition in 2010.
For the most part of the year, the party, as per observers, played childish till it finally ended up playing Chupan Chupai during the Assembly session of October. May be the party was inspired by Khamoshi’s Kuch Na Kahoo number.
Give me some sunshine
With too many Advisors around, the Chief Minister must be looking for another chance to grow. Never mind independently. But then the party doesn’t believe in independence as advisors could be the part and parcel of the party’s Autonomy theory.
Well jokes apart, Omar still has time to prove, what till now is merely obligatory of official handouts: a Young and Dynamic tag, chipped-in to his name. Two things can truly prove him the Y&D CM. One, enhancement of retirement age of government officials to benefit viz-a-viz impress some seven lakh families in one go. Two, employment generation in the government sector, particularly in the field of IT, which Kashmir lags behind in.
Veg, non-veg factions
Apart from politics, the Hurriyats this year remained in news for their taste-buds, which divided them into Shakahari and Masahari factions. In May, a GK news report revealed that the Hurriyat (M) leadership after an executive council meeting relished lunch brought from Vaishnoo Dhaba. On the other hand, the Geelani faction, as per Dr Farooq Abdullah’s December 5 allegations, is a Masahari chicken soup loving faction.
Auron Ko Nasihath
Senior Hurriyat leader Shahid-Ul-Islam (pleading to be eco-friendly man like Khawaja Farooq RenzuShah), lambasted the government for sale of polythene bags in Srinagar. But as the fate had it, Shahid this winter, procured polythene sheets to cover broken windowpanes of a Hurriyat office in Shahr-e-Khaas.
Ek Ghar Banaunga, Ghanta Ghar Kay Samnay:
Junior Minister for Housing, Nasir Sogami took his ambition of squeezing historic Lal Chowk as such a prestige point that despite all sensible criticism over construction of a park on the middle of the busy marketplace, he continued with his “beautification” plans. Anyways, Jis Ki Laathi…
Juta Gira Ray: What started as Ahad Jan becoming an overnight but short-lived hero for hurling his Oxford shoe at the CM on August 15, to one which allegedly missed Geelani in New Delhi, shoes remained so much in news that now a Anti-Shoe Squads escort Mantris during their public rallies.
Just Chill Chill: The spring of 2010 saw government employees going on a Hartal pleading for the implementation of 6 Pay Commission, which they never got. The Hartal was countered by a advertisement campaign by a government spokesman who made his ads look “Great man” like shirtless Salman Khan singing Just Chill Chill, Just Chill.
Just Think! Just Think! Just Think! The ad campaign by the state government, somewhat like the remix of the SK number, compelled me to think so.
Mei Aisa Kyun Hun: Young Cabinet Minister Aga Syed Ruhullah Mehdi didn’t go with the Sarkari wind of banning, PEACE TV. Instead, he, vehemently opposed the Cabinet decision. Likewise, Union Minister Ghulam Nabi Azad had a lesson for his colleagues. When none from the government side seemed bothered to look into the plight of those hospitalized during the unrest, Azad sent a special consignment of medicines and other aid to Kashmir.
Dil Tao Bacha Hai Ji: In July when the Valley was on boil, Dr Farooq Abdullah in New Delhi said Kashmir Ko Gooli Maaro.
Misfortune never comes alone: On July 27, stuck in a traffic jam on Airport Road, the JK Bank CEO, Dr Haseeb Drabu rode pillion to biker to attend a crucial bank meeting. But then misfortune didn’t come alone. Just two months later he was asked to quit the cavalcade worthy chair.
Hum Bolega Tao: On August 26, PDP spokesman Naeem Akhter and his colleagues accused Chief Minister of constructing Abdullah Mahal worth Rs 5 crore. On August 29, Omar Abdullah asked Naeem etal to apologize for leveling allegations or pay Rs 10 crore. Sometime later they were sued.
Bole tao Kursi Khali Karnay Ka: It could be sheer coincidence but then the barely a day after the August 26 allegations by PDP, the government transferred its top-notch officials including Principal Secretaries Khurshid Ganie, Naseema Lanker and the IGP Farooq Ahmed. And a day later, the then CEO of JK Bank Dr Haseeb Drabu was asked to quit instantly.
100 days: On Dec 19, Hurriyat G spokesman said the
Geelani completed 100 days of house arrest.
Senior separatist leaders Syed Shabir Shah and Nayeem Khan looked Judwaa to the government because both were kept behind the bars for most part of the year.
Raju Bann Gaya Gentleman:
After Infosys head, the name which Prime Minister Dr Manmohan Singh mentioned during his summer speech was that of FCIK President Syed Shakeel Qalander.
It was bloody year. Over a hundred died. Hundreds were either wounded or arrested meaning that hundreds of families have lost their bread earners. Don’t we need to get them financially assisted through government or other means? It’s for you to decide.
Anyways a lot has changed but not my concluding para, which continues to be the same for the past eight years, as Me copies it from the archives to paste again:
Convincing but confusing, nothing certain except uncertainty. But as Tomorrow never Dies, let’s hope for the best of a better tomorrow and a Happy New Year to those who believe in it!
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Lastupdate on : Tue, 28 Dec 2010 21:30:00 Makkah time
Lastupdate on : Tue, 28 Dec 2010 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Wed, 29 Dec 2010 00:00:00 IST
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