There was a time in my life when I wanted to leave Kashmir to go to a place where there would be peace; where the sound sleep of night would not be disturbed by sudden and fierce gun battles between militants and army men; where schools wouldn't be shut every other day due to strikes or unannounced curfews. In those days, I would be shocked to see Kashmiris living outside Kashmir longing to come back and not leave the valley ever again, because I used to think that life outside Kashmir was much more free and dignified.

But that was when I was about seven and I no longer hold that opinion. In fact I now regret that I ever held such an opinion. Now the end of the second week of May every year brings a kind of joy and happiness to me, quite similar to that a dormant lying seed experiences on the arrival of spring when it gets ready to blossom into a full blown plant. Because that marks the beginning of my school summer vacations and I make sure that every single day of the vacations is spent at my home in Kashmir. I try to imbibe each and every moment that I spent there; the memory of those moments helps me pass the rest of the year in Delhi. The heavy presence of troops and armed forces at every yard and the unnecessary restrictions just somehow get dissolved in front of the over whelming joy that I feel while in Kashmir. 

As the end of my summer vacations approach, I start feeling gloomy and sad like a bud that has been stripped from its branch before it could've actually experienced the beautiful scented life of a flower, and that grief takes several weeks to meltdown before I get used to life in Delhi once again. Had it not been for my father's job I would have never come back to Delhi after my very first visit. The difference between the atmosphere in Delhi and Kashmir is too huge. I still haven't been able to adjust myself here even though I have been fortunate enough to have a bunch of sincere, supportive and understanding friends.

 The reason why Kashmiris find it difficult to adjust here is, apart from the cultural differences, the negative image that has been constructed over the years and is constantly being reinforced by the media including the Bollywood movies. The image of Kashmiri as a "terrorist ", or at least a potential terrorist, has got embedded in the minds of people here. They are skeptical of each and every move of a Kashmiri. Even a loud sound from inside a Kashmiri’s house creates a stir amongst them.

I had a personal experience of this when we initially came to live in Delhi. We had a rented accommodation (which we got with much difficulty as Kashmiris are often not preferred as tenets) and there was some electrical drilling going on in our house making huge sound. After some time our land lady came in to our house and as we opened the door she straight away barged inside while asking "tussi bomb to nahin bana rahe ho na?" Seeing he source of noise herself, she was satisfied and she then told us that her neighbors had told her to check into our house.

This influence has not spared even children. I was shocked to hear a primary school kid telling his friends that why did he take  a sweet from me as his Mom had told him that Kashmiris are dangerous people. 

Let me make it clear here that like most of the Kashmiris I too believe that Kashmir still is a deputed territory and that its fate should be decided by none other than Kashmiris themselves. I know this is a view contrary to the one held by an overwhelming majority of the Indians and it has in fact made me a controversial figure among my schoolmates.

Even during discussions at school if I criticize India for something my opinion is at large viewed as anti-India whereas if my friends do the same their opinion is appreciated as constructive criticism. 

What shocks me most is the fact that the human rights are being violated incessantly and people are getting desensitized towards this tragedy. The resistance to this is construed as something backed by Pakistan.

 I saw the democratic spirit with which people came out and put pressure on government to give justice to victims of injustices, like Jessica Lal, Ruchika Sharma etc. but that democratic spirit never comes alive in favour of Kashmiris. Even most of the events that  happen in Kashmir go unreported or rather misreported in the national media. 

Whenever any so called terrorist attack is carried out anywhere in India people here get very anxious about the safety of their relatives lest they get caught in the crossfire. I also get worried but my worries do not arise from the possibility of them getting caught in crossfire. They rather arise from the fear of the repercussions of the attack. Because the intelligence agencies and the police always find it easier to arrest innocent Kashmiris after such incidents and frame them in fake cases. The Kashmiris become soft targets because of the widespread suspicion people have about them. The Indian media tries to attach a “Pakistani backed” tag to the ongoing movement also but this time the world doesn’t believe them

Lastupdate on : Thu, 22 Jul 2010 21:30:00 Mecca time
Lastupdate on : Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Fri, 23 Jul 2010 00:00:00 IST