You are our your own doctor
BEHAVIOUR BY DR.MUSHTAQ CHALKOO
Many of our ills are unseen and undefined. How many of us are really healthy? Amidst of being physically robust many of us are aching inside. Discrimination, prejudice, jealousy make a gamut of our ills. Do we have the time to consider them, accept them and treat them for our wellness, possibly not; owing to the misconception that health is a mere absence of disease. This has assumed a significance in the present scenario of life. It is important for one’s health and well being to understand the scientific inputs on this topic. Nearly every one of us has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticized your parenting skills, your teacher abused you for none of your faults or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness and even vengeance, but if you do not practice forgiveness you may be the one who pays most dearly. Wellness lies in forgetting and forgiving. By embracing forgiveness, you caress peace, hope, gratitude and joy.
Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go off resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other positive things of your life. Forgiveness does not mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you and it does not minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.
Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. A way to begin is by recognizing the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time. Then reflect on the facts of the situation, how you have reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and wellbeing. When you are ready, actively choose to forgive the person who has offended you. Move away from your role as victim and release the control and the power the offending person and the situation have had in your life. As you let go off grudges, you will no longer define your life by how you have been hurt. You may even find compassion and understanding. At times forgiveness may be challenging. It may be particularly hard to forgive someone who doesn’t admit wrong or doesn’t speak of his or her sorrow. You may sometimes talk with a person you have found wise and compassionate such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider or an un biased family member or friend. Just keep in mind that forgiveness has potential to increase your sense of integrity, peace and overall well being. If you were attacked or assaulted by someone, you may or may not reconcile but even in that case forgiveness is still possible. If you haven’t reached a state of forgiveness being near the person who hurt you, you may be tense and stressful. To handle these situations, remember that you have a choice whether or not to attend specific functions and gatherings. Respect yourself and do what seems best. Do your best to keep an open heart and mind. Getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words isn’t the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life by bringing you more peace, happiness and emotional and spiritual healing. Consider admitting the wrong you have done to those you have harmed. Speaking of your sincere sorrow or regret and specifically asking for forgiveness without making excuses is the medicine of your self- prescription. Remember however you cannot force someone to forgive you. Others need to move to forgiveness in their own time. Simply acknowledge your faults and admit your mistakes and commit to treat others with compassion, empathy and respect.
(Dr.Mushtaq Chalkoo is Consultant Laparoscopic and Minimal Access Surgeon Government Medical College, SMHS and Associated Hospitals Srinagar. Feedback at firstname.lastname@example.org)
Lastupdate on : Fri, 19 Aug 2011 21:30:00 Makkah time
Lastupdate on : Fri, 19 Aug 2011 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Sat, 20 Aug 2011 00:00:00 IST
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