Being a  student of non verbal communication, has taught me  to be a good observer. My interest in observing people  grew when I  was 14  and  as I read Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Canon Doyle, a  great book which teaches you a great deal how you can  observe while you see things and people around, my eyes opened to  a new world of observation.
Although, I have observed children at home, the question by relatives and friends as to who teaches the children the way they act or behave in particular contexts always baffled me.  But I seem to have answer now. And it was revealed to me while watching my two children,   my nephew and my niece growing around me and with me. All I believe now is that “children live what they learn”, incidentally the headline of the famous poem by Dorothy Law  which I wish all of you have a look any time in life.
 How is it that we help bring up our children as happy, stable, interesting, resilient and loving.  How is it that our children when they grow up look back on their childhood as  one where  they feel  blessed to have us as their parents. And not God forbid  vice versa.
 Fundamentally, good parenting is common sense. Whenever you want your children to grow successfully, then sit and think of your past. What aspect of your life do you want to reflect on in your children’s  life as parent? For you to be  a good parent, the first thing you should do is to gradually make your children feel, think or behave in the exact way that you want. When you make your children feel, think or behave in such manner, stay away from any negativity and concentrate on positive things. Do not insult your children, this will undermine their confidence.
Another method is your way of communication with your children. Be positive when talking to your children. For instance, when you are disturbed in your spirit, control yourself and do not let your problem affect your children because they are not the cause. Given the present job of Public relations officer of the University  of Kashmir when I sometimes take my work to home my son would love to have my time  or want me to play a game on the computer  I am working on.  I would at times fail to understand  how to handle him and sometimes out of sheer anger  pack  him to other room saying “ do not you know this is important “.  I realized later why should he know  it.  And I started to handle him with care. 
Let us not  degrade our children but rather take them into confidence. Let them know that they are not the cause and counsel them on how to behave in such a  situation. When you do this, the children will not disturb us and we  will have sufficient time to think and find the solution to our problems  or  finish an important assignment  without being disturbed. Let our children have enough time to know us  better and  let us give them opportunity to behave as member of the family.
John Holt, the father of the modern home school movement, uses anecdotal observations that question assumptions about how children acquire knowledge and learning skills. First  and foremost, Holt in his famous book  How Children Learn  believes  that  children are born learners  and that there is a curiosity in all children that begins at birth, not when they are sent to school.  His observations of young children reveal that their brains are trying to make sense of the world.  Children want to solve problems, they like to think.  The problem is that parents and educators get in the way of this natural process by placing children in large, impersonal schools, and by teaching a meaningless curriculum in an industrial factory setting.     Holt is full of ire against  parents or  and even educational institutions, whom he believes actually serve as a hindrance to acquiring knowledge and learning skills.  If the aim of education is to create independent thinkers, then educators must learn to refrain from “unasked teaching,” which he argues only frustrates children into believing that they are not smart enough to learn.  This destructive process, according to Holt, shatters their self esteem and undermines their confidence in their ability to learn for themselves and, at worst, turn them away from learning forever.  The concept of self esteem is the second fundamental belief that Holt espouses.  Self confidence is the key to a child’s learning.  Overbearing teachers and parents, serve to create a sense of anxiety, of  crushing curiosity, of making learning a painful rather than a natural and enjoyable act.  Over time students come to believe that they are failures.  Indeed, Holt asserts that stammering and stuttering are the consequences for some children of destroyed self esteem. 
So we need to create a beautiful, truthful and loving atmosphere in our homes where children grow with us.  Children are great imitators  they learn what they live . If we speak truth, do truthful acts, solve our problems with ease and calm  without letting anger and frustration overpower us, our children will learn the same. Just imagine did you take  Kashmiri  language classess at home to teach your child the language. No , not at all. Children grasp what we speak automatically.  That is why some children whose parents have grip on language, speak it well. If it is true of acquiring language, how   can it  not be  true of our other actions and behavior.

  ( A former faculty at MERC, the author is presently Asstt  Dean students welfare, student councilor , Editor student magazine Gulala and PRO at kashmir University. He can be mailed at  showketshafi@gmail.coml )

Lastupdate on : Mon, 8 Aug 2011 21:30:00 Makkah time
Lastupdate on : Mon, 8 Aug 2011 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Tue, 9 Aug 2011 00:00:00 IST