KASHMIR TRAGICOMEDY 2011
GLIMPSES FROM THE YEAR THAT WAS
YEARENDER BY M HYDERI
With Ragda-apprehensions proved wrong, the state government looked so elated as if each day of 2011 was worth dance on some Band, Baaja Baraat number as Aam Aadmi didn’t end up in any soup but got empowered firmly (never mind like a crisp biscuit), destined for a cup of tea, to sing: Chai Mein Dhooba Biskoot Ho Gaya…
From roadside protests against continued arrests (infants excluded), to cries of growing unemployment, to those employed protesting for 6th Pay Commission benefits; every woe sounded Greek to the state government as if the complainants were shouting some typical south Indian Kolaveri, which had to be musically countered with one unanimous chorus query: Why This Kolaveri? Kolaveri? Kolaveri?
Many reels and realities to correlate, as has been true with my yearenders since 2003, but then there’s something touching to be expressed first. No More Yahoo from this Junglee! This touching GK headline by my Senior colleague Arshid Hussain was enough to convey the end of an era when Shammi Kapoor, the yesteryear superstar, lost his battle for life. Well, Shammi’s death has a lot to do with Kashmir, the Valley, which witnessed an unexpected lull this summer, bringing an end to three consecutive years of Khoon Ka Badlas, all the time centered around Junes. But then there was no spring prior to summer as there was nothing like a Libyan uprising, which the westernized media could project as Vale Spring. There was no summer uprising either. With no spring or summer in news, when did the K-word get a life?
Well for Kashmir, 2011 started exactly in autumn, the fall, when trees start shedding leaves. But the reasons for this life were beyond the scenic beauty of this world famed Valley. The year came to life in the fall because this was the time when the 3-member crowd of interlocutors secretly authored their yearlong collection of recommendations before the Union government at monthly wages of around Rs two lakh each.
The fall was the time when Chief Minister got stuck in the controversy. Fall was the time when AFSPA revocation drama resurfaced exactly after a year when CM announced that the controversial law would be going within days. But a year on, his concept of days, remain a mystery to non-intellectuals like Me. The fall was the time when Opposition PDP made some special appearances to plead Peoples Daily Problems. And the fall was the time when the state assembly witnessed some rocking scenes more rocking then Ranbir Kapoor’s Rockstar, the second big hit of the year at the box-office after Salman Khan’s Bodyguard. The only thing missing at state staged “rock show” which became instantly popular as “Kalam-e-Akbar”, was a guitar. Otherwise the 10 minute performance which leaked in video footage to Youtube and other sites could give a tough fight to Imtiaz Ali’s 2.5 hour script for the Ranbir Kapoor starrer movie filmed in Kashmir.
Well this Kapoor again reminds of his charming uncle Kapoor, who loved to shoot in Kashmir. But then could the old grown Shammi, if alive and kicking, dare to hold such romantic protests on snow clad mountains of Kashmir, again? Well, being vulnerable to PSA, Shammi would think twice and prefer spending An Evening in Paris than acting Yahoo wild like Junglee.
Moreover, who would dare to press for Shammi’s release in the Valley where the Opposition PDP(including President Mehbooba Mufti and her Daddy Mufti) is equally mute expect for some intermittent coughing and sneezing, despite the fact that one of their party members, Nazir Ahmed Bakshi has been a longtime friend of the Bollywood Kapoors.
Well leave apart the opposition, even Shammi’s fans would have changed loyalties because for now it’s the era of Dabbang Khan, whose popularity is growing with country’s growing population. And, this superstar with two successive blockbusters to credit has already cautioned against any normal acts through his popular number Mein Karun Tao Saala Character Dheela Hai.
FROM RA.ONE TO TA.ONE
Salman Khan’s caution number carries weight for people of Kashmir, led by a government which is just a tweet away on Twitter, and perhaps confined to the smart phone, allegedly Blackberry, which runs that. From comments about the Rajma Dal lunch at Khajuria Dhaba on Srinagar-Jammu highway, to separatist leadership bashing, and some vital issues pertaining to governance, all comes from the tweets, as if E-governance has been overtaken by T-Governance (where T stands for Twitter).
Sometimes the software programmer in me tempts to develop a game titled Ta.One. Inspired from SRK starrer Ra.One meaning Random Access One, Ta.One would be the brand name for my Twitter Access One. The game would simulate how government can be run using Twitter. But then the G.One character could be mistaken as Geelani One, the senior separatist leader Syed Ali Geelani and I could end up in a trouble stage. But then I rely on Salman Khan’s Mein Kurun Tao…mantra.
Surprisingly a bundle of queries on this front were even raised by distinguished lawyer- turned politician, Muzaffar Hussain Baig. But then his exceptionally logical statements didn’t sustain. I too have some questions for the Crime Branch and PDP’s Baig. Besides, I have a pile of queries on varied topics. Why ERA CEO BB Vyas was relieved of the charge even though he was known to have awakened the allegedly lazy ERA out of five year slumber. Why did the so called friends of Dr Ghulam Nabi Fai in Kashmir delete their Facebook friendship with him even though he would host them in US? Why was Ali Muhammad Sagar without a wireless operator even though he always tries to act as a NC programmed Robot? And did his son, Salman Ali Sagar vanish in thin air????
Questions are many. But then upholding the fan following towards Salman Khan, his Mein Karun to Saala…Mantra prevents me from asking all this. And so I take my queries back with one word tested plea: Sorry!
Kiyun Bhai ChaCha
THE QUICK TAKES DIRTY PICTURE!
On December 5, the birth anniversary of Sheikh Muhammad Abdullah, his Union Minister son Dr Farooq Abdullah released a Dirty Picture of Kashmir’s hospitality claiming that opening more of liquor shops and cinema halls would attract more of tourists to Kashmir. Here a question logically arises. If tourists are to be attracted by all means than why did Dr Farooq forget how Las Vegas is famous for casinos and Bangkok famous for legalized sex trade, the twin attractions for tourism promotion?
AWWAL KHEESH, BAADH DERVISH:
After having approved the best of the salaries and other incentives for Legislators without even thinking of its ill effects on the state exchequer, NC’s “Chanakya” Finance Minister Abdul Raheem Rather rather than acting hopeful, left no pessimist page unturned to plead that government employees couldn’t be given 6th pay commission benefits except for some dream assurances, subject to future realization.
As per the new employment policy, in force since October, the government wants that the newly appointed government employees shouldn’t be given humanly benefits in the form of wages for first five years of service. If this is the yardstick to save resources then the so called elected representatives, or to say the beneficiaries of poll boycott politics as they referred to; I believe should be appointed as Rehbar-e-Democracy, with Rs 3000 monthly salary for first three years of Rehbaree. (But on humanitarian grounds, the future benefits shouldn’t be subject to rotation of CM.)
There was hardly any political voice even in the pro-freedom camps who sought the release of Syeda Asiya Andrabi, the woman whose husband Dr Qasim Faktoo has served more than a life sentence in jail and kids lived like orphans, till she was released on bail only to spent most of the time hospitalized. Has she been left to die or enjoy family life back home? Well, this mother’s concern pertains to none expect her two minor sons.
MIRWAIZ IN THE AIR, ON AIR:
From going on air on 92.7 Big FM to traveling by air world over, Mirwaiz Dr Umar Farooq spent most part of the year, till fall, I mean autumn, traveling different parts of the world. His political travelogue reminds me of my colleague(Known for his eco-friendly stories) that it turned him nostalgic of his childhood comic Tin Tin who would go on a world tour and kids loved reading that. But then, as about his on air journey back home Mirwaiz was suddenly grounded from the popular radio channel presumably because some didn’t like his growing popularity.
FROM KANNA TO ANNA:
If BJP comes to power in the next Lok Sabha elections, the Anti-Congress Anna Hazare, is all eligible for some big award like the one given to government gunman Mamma Kanna of Kashmir for his relentless services. Anyways, nobody expect JKLF Chairman Haji Muhammad Yasin Malik dared to announce that Anna, was wearing RSS knickers that too at the prime of latter’s popularity when the fast-savvy Anna had millions going mad after him. But Anna mania seems to have finally fizzled out with Anna himself deciding to shelve his dieting fast and protests. With regard to Anna mania, Malik proved a visionary in the entire sub-continent.
KASHMIRI IS PURELY POLITICAL ISSUE:
As if someone like Shammi Kapoor had diagnosed Kashmir of being a romantic issue that senior separatist leader Shabir Shah in his recent statement said: Kashmir was a purely political issue. But then Shah didn’t mention the scale to qualify the unit of purity. As about his colleague Nayeem Khan, he remained missing form the scene for most part of the year.
Separatist leader Javed Ahmed Mir must have been inspired by Bodyguard where Kaneena Kapoor had a private PSO Lovely Singh, that he last month asked separatist leadership to give up Sarkari security cover.
MASTI KI PAATHSHAALA:
As if separatist-to-mainstream leader Sajad Gani Lone plans to open some Gurukul that he is only looking for what he says “well educated faces”, for his party, to change the face of Srinagar City. The way, he and his close aide Junaid Azim Mattoo are acting, the party may soon hold written tests for entry to the Peoples Conference and it could be named SAP(where AP stands for aptitude test).
KHUSIYAOUN KI CHAABI?
The way in September New Delhi appointed interlocutors at the time of filing of their recommendations said that separatists have missed the bus, their statement made many guess if their work was that of some cab driver.
MUNNA BHAI MBBS:
Seen as a rivalry between a vet Babu and medicos, the raids on SKIMS doctors, a directive from Chief Minister Omar Abdullah reminded many of Munna Bhai MBBS because a cop who grilled scapegoat doctors, during raids at private clinics, allegedly left no Amchi Tapori language unspoken. But then unlike most others of the fraternity, IAS King Dr Shah Faesal came to their rescue on Facebook.
TERAY HOUNTON KI HANSI:
On November 9, Saif Ud Din Soz said Rahul Gandhi wasn’t happy with state working. Prof Soz seems to be so obsessed towards the CM’s chair, his Fantasy, that the only thing he missed to get done is to sing: Ooo Laa Laa number!
LIKE DON 2, INTERLOCUTOR PART 2:
As if separatist leader Advocate Shahid-ul-Islam has given up issuing statements that now he has assumed a new avatar as Interlocutor Part 2. Well this, what one could infer from this Burn Hall alumnus, who managed meetings between Muslim clergy and missionaries following alleged reports of apostasy. But he himself spoke nothing, revealed nothing about the interlocution.
HITS AND MISSES:
Is the elected government a hit or miss. Well ask most of the delegations who knock the Raj Bhawan doors to get their woes heard. From Mohalla committees, to intellectuals to scholars, almost everyone this year seemingly preferred calling on Governor, NN Voohra Sahib. His clout was such that he released the Pahari version of book by Farooq RenzuShah, which literally set Water on Fire.
SADDA HAQUE AITHAY RAKH:
Like Rockstar with curly long hair and guitar, in the earlier part of the year, Cabinet Minister Taj Mohi Ud Din spoke a lot about exploitation of state’s water resources but ended up doing nothing to save them.
Well, this was all I could quickly grab about 2011 on my laptop because its battery doesn’t last long in the absence of power supply, which makes a guest appearance at my south City home. But then, like always, I end this year-ender with the concluding paragraph, which remains unchanged since 2003.
Convincing but confusing, noting certain except uncertainty. But as Tomorrow Never Dies, let’s hope for the best of a better tomorrow. And a Happy New Year to those who believe in it!
Lastupdate on : Fri, 30 Dec 2011 21:30:00 Makkah time
Lastupdate on : Fri, 30 Dec 2011 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Sat, 31 Dec 2011 00:00:00 IST
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