Efforts are also on to bring the ‘terrorats’ to the negotiating table
SALT N'PEPPER BY DR. AJAZ A. BABA
The morning of 30th November a major portion of the Srinagar city suffered a break down in the supply of electricity. Power cuts being a norm in this part of the world, this did not create any panic as it would elsewhere. It would have though had the general public known the reason behind this blackout. Top sources have revealed (on conditions of anonymity, of course!) that this was not an ordinary power breakdown but the result of a well orchestrated suicide attack by rats on the receiving station at Rajbagh!
There have been squeaks of discontent among the rats for quite some time now but lately these have become louder especially since the dogs have been given what most rats say are exceptional privileges. While there are rats who feel that they can fight for their rights by peaceful means, the majority feels that it is going to yield nothing but empty assurances and promises. The existence of terrorist elements among the rats or – ‘terrorats’ as they are called in official circles to distinguish them from terrorists belonging to other species – has been known for quite some time now.
Some sections of the press have reported that a roasted rat was found on the premises of the receiving station after the breakdown on 30th November. People living in the vicinity claim that they heard a loud bang early in the morning after which there was a complete breakdown of electric supply. Insiders maintain that several ‘terrorats’ had invaded the building housing the receiving station and attacked the circuitry. The decisive attack that collapsed the whole system (and resulted in the explosion!) seems to have been delivered by a young rat that got roasted in the process of causing the ultimate short circuit.
Meanwhile some high profile journalists have received an email from a hitherto unknown rat outfit which calls itself the RAT Front (Revenge and Terror Front) claiming responsibility for the attack. The front is said to be headed by a hard core extremist rat that goes by the name of Nus-rat. It is being said that this dreaded Nus-rat is operating from abroad (possibly from Canada!). The outfit has claimed that the 30/11 attack (it was supposed to be 29/11 which would make it sound like an elder brother of 9/11 and give the news channels something to drool over, but a last minute snag caused one day’s delay!) was ‘just a curtain raiser’ and has threatened more attacks in future. However what is especially worrying for the authorities is that the ‘terrorats’ have threatened to leak out shady deals that are commonplace in officialdom. This threat is being taken very seriously by the authorities because it is well known that rats are privy to even the most secret of official files which are the preferred baby food among rodents considering their high nutritive value.
The RAT Front has warned the authorities to immediately stop custodial killings of rats (it is common knowledge that rats are lured into mousetraps and then put under running water till it chokes them to death or sometimes directly immersed in water and drowned!). The Front has also demanded an immediate ban on the manufacture and sale of all rodenticides. (In a related development the Suicide Contemplators Association has submitted a memorandum to the authorities that in case rodenticides are banned, suitable alternatives may be kept available so that their right to suicide is not interfered with).
While downplaying the threat the authorities have already instituted some measures. Srinagar city has been put on Rat Alert. Jammu city is also being put on Rat Alert after reports about some ‘terrorats’ having managed to smuggle themselves into Jammu in trunks carrying files during the Darbar move. The army and paramilitary forces are contemplating induction of cats into their ranks and efforts are underway to convert the SOG into RAF (Rat Action Force). Efforts are also on to bring the ‘terrorats’ to the negotiating table.
As is usual when anything like this happens, conspiracy theorists are having a field day. It is being said that all this has been stage managed by the power department on the well established lines of fake encounters. One conspiracy theorist who claims to be a close neighbour of a top functionary of the power department swears that the roasted ‘terrorat’ was in fact an ordinary mouse who had been caught stealing in the kitchen of this top official. He was allegedly tortured and died during interrogation. Subsequently (as per the account of this fellow) the innocent mouse was marinated and grilled in the top official’s microwave oven and then carried to the receiving station under cover of darkness and deployed strategically to create the scenario of a suicide attack. These conspiracy theorists have warned that more such Operation Blackouts may be staged by the power authorities to cover up their powerlessness in the winter months. The whole issue, mired as it is in conflicting reports, has created a lot of confusion. Meanwhile the common man is taking refuge in what has become a popular Kashmiri saying these days: ‘What to say there are so many agencies at work here!’
(Truth is mostly unpalatable…but truth cannot be ignored! Here we serve the truth, seasoned with salt and pepper and a dash of sauce (iness!). You can record your burps, belches and indigestion, if any, at email@example.com)
Lastupdate on : Sat, 3 Dec 2011 21:30:00 Makkah time
Lastupdate on : Sat, 3 Dec 2011 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Sun, 4 Dec 2011 00:00:00 IST
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