These days you watch me laughing. I do like a clown in the comedy circus. So often I make your eyes water and tongues tear seeing the water on a duck’s back like me. My comments may be invidious enough to prove me a nincompoop of the first order. The idiot box needed a chatter box and I fit the bill. You may be tempted to ask me more than once, who the Dickens are you? Tony Greig once said of me that this ever garrulous commentator made once heavy weather of a weather report so much so that all that the cameraman was left to take was, “weather is fine” and it really wasn’t. Those were the days while my comments were all over the place like the leaves in autumn. Early days are gone now I am ruling the roost in the spring of my fortunes. Now people are left quacking like dead ducks as to who will bell this cat who mews and we chew our lips in rage. Love me or hate me, you simply can’t ignore this monstrous speaker. Keep hearing everything that I say with a baited breath for I am the one and only Sidhu, who took avatar when god took the chance with an animal to find out how a requiem would fair when he talks. Since then I “don-ned” the kingdom of garrulous empire and he lost the “key”.
Whether you like it or not, I tend to presume, what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, what though the latter spits it. I somehow make viewers dance attendance upon me. I have enough hair to split some of it on the issues which convince me, mine and myself. While there is a panel discussion going about the cricket world cup, in the television studios, you can watch me a figure among ciphers. By all probabilities I may be a jester of the first order but thousand probabilities don’t make one single truth to prove me out of order on those TV shows. Shekhar Suman who goes on and on during comedy shows was caught right in front of the wicket napping when I gave my mis-judgements. Doubt you can my ability to make meaningful comments but you can’t doubt my ability to tickle the funny bone. No less than New Zealand Commentator Simon Doull keeps marking my borrowed phrases as Sidhuisms. Even the great story teller and former Australian Captain Ian Chappel is found wanting for words while I intervene in giving my extraordinary views on cricket extras. Pat Symcox is left to do nothing other than pat me off and on for my brick bat comments. Feeling claustrophobic during all rounds of discussion former South African all rounder Klusener calls me guru. Harsha Bhogle is left with very few options other than taking a break when I break the bones of panelists waiting their turn to speak. Recently Tony Greig tried to kill two birds with one stone he advised Afridi to stop spitting after every ball, into ears of poor Pakistani bowlers and me to stop my tall talk on every short note. Afridi was wise enough to take it the next match and I, as a different cuttle of fish that I am, I retorted to have his equator cut him half the size.
Even if India loses all the matches after scoring over 300 runs I will keep praising my countrymen that is your problem that you have hired a jury at a goose’s trial. And when India wins against minnows like Bangladesh, Netherlands and Ireland I fight with my mates like a cock on his dung hill. When India loses, I am asked for bread and I give the interviewer stones. You know, the only consistent thing about my dibbly-dobbley views is my inconsistency. The best sermon you can give is by performing by example. In that sense every example of mine is a sermon in itself. Looking forward to a duel with Professor Deano as Dean Jones these days is called. It would then be a Malta coming at Martha’s party. You must be thinking of a break. Just to remind you, the television houses would have to keep roping me in whether you like it or not for many kiss the child for the nurse’s sake, as I bring them the much needed TRPs. So I am there to worry you till death. I am great enough to keep grating on your ears for the years to come, just say me “cha gaya guru”(Bravo,buddy) and I would say in my own style, “thoko tali”(cheer up).Good Lord! I have spoken too little for my reputation.

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Lastupdate on : Sun, 20 Mar 2011 21:30:00 Makkah time
Lastupdate on : Sun, 20 Mar 2011 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Mon, 21 Mar 2011 00:00:00 IST