A mere memory now

LIFE AND DEATH

FIRST SHE WAS A COMPANY, NOW SHE IS A MEMORY. THAT IS WHAT DEATH DOES BY SNATCHING OUR DEAR ONES FROM US, MOAZUM MUHAMMAD NARRATES

Today is the death anniversary of my grandmother. It has been one year since she left. This day that year I had the last glimpse of her pale face draped in shroud under bright sun of the noon. Neither the day nor her memory fades away ever since she left. Her memory continues to haunt me. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind she continues to live with me.  At times I feel she is jogging with me in the lawn under the bright sun of a Sunday which she liked in her last days.   She never fades away from my life. Though this day closed the chapter of her life, leaving a deep vacuum within me which is impossible to fill.
 I could never reconcile that a person who cared and brought me up suddenly disappeared never to return. Isn’t it frustrating at times to see such persons no more with you?  At such times, one questions one’s beliefs. It is but natural to react in such a manner because we never imagine such huge personal loss can happen to us. We never think death so powerful to whisk away one’s loved ones so swiftly. I had always heard of death but believed it the day it snatched my grandmother away from me.
 She was suffering from several ailments unbroken for last two decades. In my childhood I had heard that she was going to die. But that only came true on March 22 when she held my hand tight whispering verses from the Quran which still resound in my ears. I had never thought she would leave us in such a way. Even the moment her breath ceased, I didn’t believe she had passed away.  It had many reasons but strongest among them was that my brother was not here that time. My grandmother loved and cared for him very much more than anyone else. And I assumed that she could not die without seeing his face. I was quite sure that she might wake up until my brother returned.    
 I remember my grandmother as a woman of perfect wisdom, honesty and courage. A woman who despite seeing many ups and downs in life had not compromised. The exciting experience of her life and times was a valuable treasure which is engraved in my heart ever. At times she had walked all along with her father from Srinagar to the Dargah of Hazrat Sheikh Noorudin Noorani (RA) in Char-e-Sharief. She would narrate these tales of immense interest. The story when riots had happened between Muslims and Hindus during erstwhile Maharaja rule. She would also share some superstitious stories of old days not easy to accept these days.
 I used to spend a lot of time with her not because she would spare me for my mischief but she loved to spend time with children. She used to have fun with children. But she never ever compromised on discipline and manners.  To maintain decorum of the home was of paramount importance to her. And no one, even I, could not have ever mistakenly violated it in our home. The most amazing and exciting thing of hers was to board a plane without any support despite being physically weak.
 She was a noble person, a woman with a lot of respect and dignity for others. This brought honor and esteem to her in everyone’s eyes. She was a woman who spent her life behind the veil and more particularly within the boundary of her home.
 Despite her persistent illness for 20 years, I never found her missing her prayers. Even just before her demise she prayed on her bed. It is unusual in my imagination to see a person praying during such illness. She used to say, “This nimaz is medicine for my ailments”.  Though she could not sit properly but she never shirked from praying on the prayer mat.  She was a pious soul which only invites dignity and worship. May her soul rest in peace. (AMEEN)

(Moazum Muhammad is Final year student of Mass communication and Journalism program at Kashmir University. Feedback at moazumbhat@gmail.com)

Lastupdate on : Mon, 21 Mar 2011 21:30:00 Makkah time
Lastupdate on : Mon, 21 Mar 2011 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Tue, 22 Mar 2011 00:00:00 IST




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