All of us die daily. And happy alone are those who come to life daily as well. But those who don’t, they are dead as the dodo forever. Agonies conquer them while they try to conquer agonies. Always in search of a saviour who ala Aladdin’s lamp can alleviate their woes in a jiffy, they never stay silent but always bark up the wrong tree. And as far as ‘saviours’ are concerned, there is no dearth of them nowadays.
In fact, a new creed of ‘qualified and learned’ saviours is always at your disposal. Popularly known as agony uncles or agony aunts (as the case may be), their haven is newspaper and magazine offices. They are paid as ‘agony experts’ or ‘agony analysts’, so to say.
So, sons of guns if you are agonized (unfortunately!) don’t worry, take it easy. If you are suffering from insomnia or indigestion; amnesia or anorexia; depression or delusion; cramps or aches; cold or fever; and anything that gives you dingbats—just put your problem in black and white, and mail it to agony column of any newspaper. And wait, you get the panacea! Free answers to your free post queries from self-styled free thinkers:
If you have insomnia, sleep over a problem...
Your indigestion is because of eating, leave eating...
If you have anorexia, go on binge-eating...
If you have irritable bowel, irritate others...
If you have tension headache, shake your head...
If you have anxiety about being punished, then kill your source of guilt...
If you are suffering from stomach cramps, then Aaj Tiffin Mat Lay Jana...
Depression is due to subversion, subvert your depression...
Don’t hiss, your wrinkles will vanish, sprinkle worries...
You can never lose your shirt if you are a stuffed shirt...
If you can’t make a bad shot, you cannot shoot ahead...
If you are not happy with X, axe him...
Free up your hearts, freedom is Azadi Dil Ki...
If you have recurrent intestinal colic, don’t take drugs, just have fun and frolic...
If you have a phobia of heights, live with your dreams on mountains...
If you are squire of dames, tail after like a stark Mc Guts...
And if you are a chronic bachelor, then take a nirvana...
Agony uncles and aunts possess such ‘catholic’ tastes. They act as tranquilizers, sedatives, anti-biotics and what not. Doctoring as ‘psychotherapists’, theirs is a tell-tale business. The only one where the customer is a top-notch damfool whilst the seller—a maniac master piece—assumes as no less than any clever clogs: the intellectuals who are ostentatiously and irritatingly knowledgeable.
Such uncles and aunts are not to be blamed. Agonies are so pervasive and prevailing over here that people are prone to be tricked and trapped. Especially in a place where life is under constant stress, people are but helpless. So, they resort to all means to alleviate their agonies. In the process, they land up at wrong places. They throng around the growing category of self-proclaimed ‘holy men and mystics’ who offer absurd solutions to their problems. The artifice of such conmen bolsters their belief in paranormal and magical. Their sleight of hand is so subtle that the agonized just fall in. 
      The phony holy uncles and, even, aunts fleece the gullible to the hilt. Astonishingly, some of them owe their ‘holiness’ to lineage and yet others claim to possess ‘supernatural’ powers. Two decades back, it was perhaps unimaginable and unthinkable to see the place like Kashmir being overrun by fake holy men. To the extent of shame and shock. The news like ‘Fake Pir booked for rape’ (Greater Kashmir- 27 July, 2011) brings an alarm.
The moral panics is justified. But the real genesis of such awful developments remains unexplored. The prevailing situation in Kashmir notwithstanding, there is a general Godless atmosphere emerging all around. All of us are frantically searching for the cure of our pains at wrong shops.  The antidote is faulty; the vendor is a fraud. We are allowing a few clever and crafty people to hoodwink us by exploiting our agonies. Instead of taking us closer to Truth, our sufferings are getting saleable, ironically. People of different shades are doing business over our misery.
The reality is that the panacea lies somewhere else. Where? Let’s look inwards and find out the answer. For He says, “Call upon me; I will answer you”.   
   
(The author teaches at Media Education Research Centre, MERC, University of Kashmir)

Lastupdate on : Sat, 1 Oct 2011 21:30:00 Makkah time
Lastupdate on : Sat, 1 Oct 2011 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Sun, 2 Oct 2011 00:00:00 IST