The burden of dreams
She was too fragile to bear the burden
EXPERIENCE BY SYED JAVERIA KHURSHID
“Dreams can be such dangerous things;
They smolder on like a fire does
And sometimes consume us completely”
~Memoir of Geisha~
She crumbled under the burden of her dreams. A very sensitive girl with a heart so brittle and fragile that every time her dream didn’t come true, it broke her vulnerable heart into small pieces, shattering her hopes and destroying her self. Yet all this never stopped her from dreaming more, believing that one miraculous day, her dreams will find the wings of reality that will soar her high up in the limitless sky.
Thinking deeply in the thoughtful reverie on a sandy beach with endless sea before her; lone, solitary, she reflects on her doubts and fears. Her life, like the grains of sand, the more she tries to gather and hold them in her hand, the more they escape and fall from her fist. Her expectations never yield anything but despair and disappointed yet she can’t stop her brittle heart from hoping and expecting. Her fears grow ten-folds in the loneliness of the day, which seems endless and unbearable. She thinks, thinks and thinks on, confused and lost; confused because there are no sure paths, ways in her life and lost because there is no one to understand her, no-one to understand her, no-one to console her, no-one to unburden her problems. Sometimes she wished someone to just listen to her, hear her freaking out her complaints, fears, doubts, confusions, just listen even if they don’t have something appropriate to say or even if they can’t divest her troubles but just listening will make her feel good, that yes there is someone out there for her! But then this just remains a burning thought in her mind.
There was something about this girl, a strange yet deep strength that reflected from the pearls that her eyes dropped. Every shattered dream that caused her heartbreak, urged her to move ahead. The unflinching hope never swayed away her ground. She had begun her journey with her dreams and gave everything to them- her time, laughter, mind, heart, soul and when her dream broke, it tore away her self into pieces, each piece pricking her. She realizes dreams when smash to smithereens, have the power to break you.
Her dreams are like the footprints on the sands of time that get washed away with one tumultuous splash of waves. Her hopes are like the oyster that creates beautiful pearls when submerged and discomforted with sand. She walks on the sandy beach, watch the mellow sunset, with sea-birds flying for their harbor and waves smashing against her feet. She feels the unknown emotion swirling around her, a feeling that tickles her stomach and she feels like drowning in the vastness of ocean and a sudden queasy sinking feeling of her mind clouding in chaos and all she wants to fall into the numbness where she can’t feel the pain of her breaking dreams, the abrupt feeling of hopelessness and doubts. Her mind troubles her with questions and she just feels fed up, with the bottled up emotions. Like the lone star in the black star-laded sky, she shivers under the pressure of solitariness, not knowing with which star to bond to create a constellation.
She always believed that she had her dreams but sometimes they too shunned her and she sits on the sand, lonely, introspecting and trying to untangle herself from the web of this complicated life that messes you the most when you are already messed up. She wants to move forward, put her broken dreams behind, without them and without the expectations but can she??
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Lastupdate on : Fri, 16 Sep 2011 21:30:00 Makkah time
Lastupdate on : Fri, 16 Sep 2011 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Sat, 17 Sep 2011 00:00:00 IST
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