“To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.” Once your child or teen starts deviating from his direction, parents feel they are not better parents, or can not understand their child. Here are some suggestions, which may help you in dealing with what is sometimes termed as difficult children or teens. 
In history children were considered as dependent and helpless, but now science has progressed so much that we can see how the child interacts with his environment inside the womb.  Now a child is considered as a little scientist, with no cultural or linguistic restrictions. As he starts accommodating and assimilating things into his repertoire, he becomes restricted to his background. Development varies from children to children. Some may start talking and walking early. Some may start late. Some may suck their thumb. Some parents find their children rebellious and not listening to anyone, especially during the adolescence period. Don’t be anxious; may be it is normal as per the stages of development.
Now the question is how you will know whether your child is growing normally? If you understand what you are dealing with, you have better chances of handling it properly. Read books about child development. How they grow biologically, psychologically and socially. It will not only decrease your anxiety but also helps you understand your child better, leading to proper development. Another benefit you may get is that no one will fool you as a parent. For instance, if you don’t know how a laptop works, you may be able to operate it but not with ease. You may lower down it efficiency. In extreme cases you may have to change your laptop, which is possible if you have money or warranty, but it does not work with our kids. You can’t get a new one. 
Every child develops into an adult. For that they have to go through different stages of development, which they may pass smoothly or with difficulty, depending mostly on their environment. Observation is a not unilateral. If you can observe someone, that means you are being observed too. Parents observe their children growing, and sometimes compare them with other children, which sometimes make them anxious and depressed, leading to pampering or harsh behaviour towards their kids. Mostly this happens when a parent identifies or projects his own needs and desires into their children. They want them to grow fast. It ends into a conflicting relationship and creates gaps, which sometimes are filled by getting involved in inappropriate behaviours, like using drugs which is common during adolescence.
Many parents usually come up with the complaint that they have lost control over their child. He is no more obedient, does not listen and is rebellious. But they don’t know that rebellious behaviour is quite common during adolescence period when the child is trying to adjust with his biological, psychological and social changes. He is trying to find himself in the society. We need to understand what the child is going through and provide support so that he or she can turn into a healthy adult. 
Listening to your child, especially adolescents, is vital in developing a good relationship with them. By listening I mean let him or her talk first. This will let him explain what he or she has done. There is high probability that he or she will listen to your thoughts more openly after he or she is finished. This provides you less chances of reacting to what he or she has done, and your child will feel you are not just looking at what he or she has done wrong. When you are speaking to your child or teen, try to speak to him rather than speaking at him. No one likes being talked down. Speak about their behaviour, rather than saying how bad or good it was. Provide pros and cons of what they have done. Ask them for their opinion about a difficult decision family is going to take. Do compliment not only their decisions but time you have spent with them. That makes them feel worthy and recognized. Then they will not have to indulge in inappropriate behaviour outside to get recognition. 
Sometimes things don’t work. But the best thing about parenting is that you know your child from the beginning, and better than your doctors.

(The writers are Clinical Psychologists. Feedback at mailfaw@gmail.com)

Lastupdate on : Fri, 13 Apr 2012 21:30:00 Makkah time
Lastupdate on : Fri, 13 Apr 2012 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Sat, 14 Apr 2012 00:00:00 IST