Wosta Gul’s sudden death came as a shock. (Wosta = Master, Master Chef in this case). But the ignominy that preceded, and as everybody seemed to maintain, led to his death is an even bigger tragedy. Wosta had been overseeing this feast and for the first time in his life long career he had made a major gaffe. Instead of adding salt to the various preparations it seems that he had been repeatedly adding salt to the Goshtaba cauldron only with the result that every dish except the Goshtaba turned out to be without salt and the Goshtaba was so full of it that one wisecrack at the feast commented that tasting the yakhni (gravy) felt like one was drowning in sea water.
When this catastrophe was brought to Wosta’s notice, it is said that he just stared at the angry host for a while and fell down dead! A legendary chef had died an ignominious death leaving a bad taste in everybody’s mouth! Everybody later on remarked that the Wosta had seemed out of sorts lately and that it was somehow related to the Goshtaba. The Wosta’s grieving son confirmed that indeed the Goshtaba had been heavily prevailing upon the illustrious chef’s mind ever since it was unceremoniously dropped from the menu of the dinner hosted by the Prime Minister for the Pakistani President & Son during their recent visit to India. 
“This dropping of the Goshtaba from the menu is fraught with meaning,” Wosta Gul’s son vehemently denounced the manipulation of the menu right there at his father’s graveside. “There is a whole agenda behind it. My fathertook this matter to heart and he died a martyr! I urge upon the international community to take notice!”
Now of course this might sound like a gross exaggeration, mixing a dish (even if it be something as delectable as the Goshtaba!) with politics and all that. But those who have even the slightest of knowledge about the politics prevailing and surrounding this part of the world can vouch for the fact that there is nothing farfetched about this co-relation. And nobody knew this better than Wosta. Wosta was a high profile chef known for his delectable preparations. The names of prominent personalities that Wosta had served in his life time would read like a veritable who’s who. You see Wazwaan has always featured prominently on the local political scene. All politicians – mainstream, upstream, downstream, midstream and whatever – have been known to be sworn aficionados of the Goshtaba. It was very much there even during the uprising or movement (or whatever one might choose to call it) in Kashmir. When a son of a prominent family returned after ‘training’ from ‘yonder there’, his family got a lavish feast prepared to celebrate the occasion. The feast was however rudely interrupted by a raid by the forces who took away the worthy son before he had an opportunity to try out his newly gained skills and before, as his mother wailed, he had savoured his favourite dish, the Goshtaba (which as everyone knows is the last to grace the platter). It was later suggested that the ‘informer’ responsible for this raid was the son’s comrade-in-arms who defected on the spur of the moment after discovering that he had not been invited to the feast. But then this is just an unconfirmed rumour!
Those who survived long jail sentences will attest to the fact that the Goshtaba had a definite role in their survival. A careful analysis will show that those who were put into custody either never came out or they came out fat (of course there were exceptions like always!). Families and friends of those incarcerated would, even if they themselves would be in a penurious state, maintain a supply of the Wazwaan to buoy up the revolutionary spirits. Now of course anyone who has ever been inside a jailhouse or for that matter worked in one can tell you that once the initial formalities (like attaching a wire or two to organs of strategic importance or say putting a family of hungry mice into well secured trousers!) have been done with, things tend to settle down. Here also the Wazwaan acts as a binding material, with the Goshtaba proudly crowning the platter surrounded by the jailors and the jailed in a unique show of camaraderie.
Indeed the Goshtaba has been a silent witness throughout the history of this land. Many a deal has been sealed its milky presence. Why if Goshtabas could speak they would make such revelations as would make Wikileaks sound as tame as nursery rhymes!
Out there at Wosta Gul’s place, during the condolence meet an old chef remarked that it was surprising that nobody gave so much as a statement about this dropping of the Goshtaba from the Indo-Pak menu. “After all this confirms what is being said since a long time now,” he added. “Kashmir has finally been placed on the backburner and that too with the flame switched off! And imagine nobody even called for a hartal by way of protest!”

(Truth is mostly unpalatable…but truth cannot be ignored! Here we serve the truth, seasoned with salt and pepper and a dash of sauce (iness!).
You can record your burps, belches and indigestion,
if any, at snp_ajazbaba@yahoo.com)

Lastupdate on : Sat, 14 Apr 2012 21:30:00 Makkah time
Lastupdate on : Sat, 14 Apr 2012 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Sun, 15 Apr 2012 00:00:00 IST