Of husbands and wives

Married life is a tight rope walk


This refers to the article “Empowerment confusion” by Fazil Iahi. The husband (Khandar ) has been projected as a monster capable of inflicting mental torture and guilty of denigrating women. He is accused of perpetuating violence and cruelty on the delicate soul. Women are women, across geographical barriers, educated or illiterate, belonging to any religion. One thing common is that they are specially ordained for procreation of human race. They have given birth to the Prophets, Rishis and Munis. Their role as mother, daughter, sister and above all a wife, is commendable.
There are women who believe that they can compete with men in every field. They hold a view that they are not meant for household drudgery and that they can live without men. Modernization, imitation of western thought and copying their educational model has brought about an attitudinal change in their thought. Breakdown of joint family, live-in relationship, women coming under a common umbrella of women as equals, seeking reservations and equality in all fields has destroyed the family fabric and is responsible for rising number of divorces. Empowerment of women, laws to prevent domestic violence, rights of a girl to marry anyone or live with anybody without marrying him are results of this empowerment.   Empowerment means to make women financially independent. In New Delhi the number of divorces in 90s was 1000 cases per year, but during the present decade, it has shot up to 9000-10,000 cases per year. Similarly our valley is also facing rise in divorce cases.
The cause in most cases is financial independence of women, changing face and gender roles, conflicts arising out of sharing the workload at home. Most of the men, even from emancipated West, are not still comfortable with strong and independent women. Men may be ready for working women but they are not ready for an over ambitious career women. Men still expect the women to be home before sunset. Among working couples it is hard to find love because it is difficult to find men who are emotionally secure to be comfortable with these women.
The valley does not have domestic violence on the scale women organizations have been lobbying around for seeking the extension of Domestic violence Act. The valley men are not monsters but human beings. Not all successful women can adjust, till they find their ideal partner. They find it difficult to adjust with men who earn less.
Being a closed society, can you imagine your wife going with her school friends to a picnic spot for a week’s time, that too when you have kids at home? This only happens in the valley. The times have changed, but the underlying norms and rules of the society have not. We are still rooted to our society.
Someone had rightly remarked, “marry pretty women or ugly ones, short ones or tall ones, brunettes or blondes, just whatever you do don’t marry a career women.” The men are at the receiving end of these superwomen.   The khandar has to do a tight rope walk. He has to strike a balance between his parents and his family. The definition of Home is a place where one comes back in the evening to relax, and a hot cup of tea awaits you. Your children are by your side; your wife welcomes you with a warm smile.
After a day’s hard work, he makes both ends meet, and still the family is not grateful. To quote a Kashmiri saying, “na chus kahr kuosh na chus kharwail kush.” Change is required in the outlook of women. And that requires men to stop acting like rabbits and women to stop acting like honey bees.

(Feedback at mmubashir64@yahoo.co.in)

Lastupdate on : Tue, 17 Apr 2012 21:30:00 Makkah time
Lastupdate on : Tue, 17 Apr 2012 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Wed, 18 Apr 2012 00:00:00 IST

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