My Son, the DC Sahib!
So there he is all set to become a ‘Dog Caretaker’, DC for short!
SALT N' PEPPER BY AJAZ BABA
At last! But no let me first bow and kiss the ground once more! Praised be the Lord who made us all including the dogs… especially the dogs! At last my son has got a job. It will take me several months to untie all the votive rags that I had been tying in all those shrines… Why I must have expended quite a few bolts of cloth on the same! No I haven’t forgotten my real benefactors! I will throw a hundred specially baked ghee rotis to the dogs! Ah how happy must his dear mother be up there. The dear departed soul would lift her hands every now and then and pray that her son may become a DC. And how cruel I was to laugh at her! They say mothers know. How right they are! For my son has indeed become a DC. Ah how proud she would have been! The poor dear, my late missus that is, never did spell out what DC was supposed to mean when she prayed for her son to become one. So there he is all set to become a ‘Dog Caretaker’, DC for short! Strange are thy ways Lord. Fie upon us, the wretched impatient mortals. There might be a network problem every now and then up there but ultimately You do heed our prayers.
It was by no means an easy task to land this job. It has been my routine to throw rotis to the dogs every morning. I took the precaution to get a certificate to the effect from our local baker and enclosed the same with my son’s other certificates when he went for the interview for this job. I even enclosed photographs of my hand with the terminal portions of my fingers hanging nearly free, dating back to the time when an over-enthusiastic dog mistook my hand for an extension of the roti I held out to it… Not that my son did not have the required merit. I bet nobody was more qualified than my son for this job. Ever since he was a kid he has been playing with dogs, chasing them and in return being chased by them. He would even bark back at them for which I must admit I scolded him several times but now I realize he was just trying to communicate with them. It is true that as a kid my son would sometimes pelt stones at dogs but that was only for a brief period till he learnt – courtesy a fiery leader – that pelting stones at certain other targets just might translate into ‘freedom’ at some future date (and into profit in the present tense as a less fiery but more resourceful out-of-job politician practically showed him!).
To his credit my son really worked hard to beat the competition. No sooner had he applied for the DC’s post (Dog Caretaker’s post I must repeat so that people don’t misunderstand and what is more blame me for it!) that he started preparing himself. He would nudge dogs towards electric poles and doorposts and gently lift their hind-leg to help them relieve themselves all the while whispering ‘fishhhh…fishhhh’ in their ears by way of inspiration (though I wonder whether there might not be some other word that facilitates the release in the canine population?). What is more he has been borrowing the whole family’s toothbrushes for his mission towards helping the dear four legged creatures to maintain proper oral hygiene. Hard work never goes waste. I was sure he would get selected; he was so upbeat when he came back from the interview. “They had this distinguished looking dog on the interview panel. The number of times it wagged its tail meant you got as many marks!” he told me excitedly.
“So did you manage to impress it?” I remember asking him anxiously.
“You bet! He wagged his tail so much while I was being interviewed that it looked like it would fall off!” he had confidently reassured me.
I say this whole proposal of employing Dog Caretakers smells of real genius. It has solved the dog problem as well as the problem of unemployment – two of the most burning issues of our time! And there are so many more avenues that it has opened up. Reportedly crèches for puppies and old age homes for canines that are past their prime are next on the agenda! Indeed, the future of our youth has never been so bright. I must warn you all though, the competition is going to be pretty stiff. So if you want your child to become a DC (having explained this one several times any confusion on this point is the sole responsibility of the careless reader!) you have to prepare him early. Communication being important you might very well start with that – go ahead and teach your child to bark! Make haste, for if you haven’t realized it yet it is high time that you did… that the future belongs to the Dogs!
(Truth is mostly unpalatable…but truth cannot be ignored! Here we serve the truth, seasoned with salt and pepper and a dash of sauce (iness!). You can record your burps, belches and indigestion, if any, at email@example.com
Lastupdate on : Sat, 28 Apr 2012 21:30:00 Makkah time
Lastupdate on : Sat, 28 Apr 2012 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Sun, 29 Apr 2012 00:00:00 IST
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