I haven’t slept for sometime, am so tired, but the thought of going to sleep scares me. It gives chills to my body even thinking of trying to, the pleasure of the body, and i can’t enjoy it. The thing that lurks here might get me, if am not on guard. This room is a safe haven as long as am awoke.
I woke up in this room, don’t know why, or how, but am here. All that is here is a bed, and a blade sitting on a chair in the coroner. I have been curious about the blade for sometime time, what dose it want? It so sharp, so beastly looking, it doesn’t have a handle, just a crude presence. But that crude presence , it has a purpose, but I like not to think about it, not yet at least.
This place has no windows, but walls, and a locked door. Walls here look so old and used, it seem no life has been here to watch over them. There only one thing that stand out with these walls, they live, my finger tips pat a part of them, and they feel soft. It almost feels like skin, it has the same closeness to it. I rest my ear against the wall to see if i can hear anything, on the other side. All I can hear is a beat, like someone beating a drum. It never misses a beat perfectly in tuned, it remind me of the human heartbeat. I Don’t wanna know what’s on the other side of that wall it brings me a disgusting feeling trying to picture it.
I don’t know how long i been in here, time and days don’t exist here for me. It seem am in a other place , a different dimension, a world real like mine, but this one has a different standard of needs for a human. Need for food, or use of the restroom don’t apply here doesn’t exist. My body doesn’t desire any of these needs, that keep me alive and well . But the down side is sleep still exist here, the thing I truly want right now then anything. If I even dare to close my eyes, it will come and get me, the thing I learned to fear in here.
I don’t know how it got in here, the door never opens when it comes, it makes no sound, but just appears out of thin air. Before I knew that “thing” was lurking here. I grow tired, just wanted to rest a little. For just a minute I close my eyes to rest, then I feel something grab my leg, and drag me to the ground. I turn my head to see what is attacking me, and to my disbelief nothing was there. It was gone ,no trace of it was left behind, but only a touch , but no image to fit it. This indeed shocked me, I have an enemy i can not see, or choices not to be seen, but I sometimes wonder can he see me. Is there something in this room that allows it to watch over me, which I don’t notice. I feel like a blind man, I cant see but only feel. Ever since that encounter, I been fighting the urge to sleep, if i close my eyes it surely will come. But the urge to sleep is getting stronger, and sooner or later , it will come.
I just been sitting on this bed looking at the door, ever since. That door never opens, well at least from my side. The knob doesn’t even twist, it’s made well. This room is like a prison. Nothing is meant to leave, but just stay here. I just wonder why am here, but there is no one to answer my questions, I have so many but no one to hear them. I feel some what like no one in here. My name, age or even appearance doesn’t matter here. It has no point here, nothing matters anymore! Nothing.
I stand up and walk to the wall and start punching it, with every turn the punches come harder, then a scream cuts the emptiness in the room. I look around the room to see were that sound come from. Then something grabs me from behind and bring me to the wall. I feel something holding me there, my hands are being held by the wall it come to life. I feel the wall shaking then i see two hands come out the sides were my body is pinned, Am trying to get out but the wall pulls me back tighter. The hands now move slowly in the air turning, till they have a view of me. They quickly grabbed hold of my neck. Am choking, the hands get tighter around my neck, it getting harder to breathe, I feel like am going to pass out. With my last energy i have , I try with all my might , and lose the grip the wall has on me , then i forcefully lunge my body forward to get these hands off me .
I take in some air still having a hard time it hurts when I breathe. I turn to face the wall , but nothing is there , the wall is just a wall, and no longer a monster ready to get me . I feel nothing now, the feeling of living in fear has slowly faded away, for some reason. I now feel like a hollow shell, no signs of life in me, i can now do what i should have done since the beginning. I get up and make my way to the blade.
The blade is so cold, but it real, it the only thing I can relate to in here. What ever put it in here, I thank. It the kindness thing that has touch me in here, I feel a smile grow on me.

I turn the blade and sink it in my right wrist, a sharp pain shocks me , but it doesn’t last long. Then I drag the blade across my wrist, and do the same for the other. I drop the blood stained blade, and hear the sound of blood slowly hitting the ground, it a nice tune, it relaxes me as i make my way to the bed.
As I lay on the bed i feel tired. I can’t feel my body anymore. It a nice feeling, I feel free … i just wanna go to sleep now, and be gone from this place.
(Syed Zubair is a student from Southhall University, London)

Lastupdate on : Thu, 1 Mar 2012 21:30:00 Makkah time
Lastupdate on : Thu, 1 Mar 2012 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Fri, 2 Mar 2012 00:00:00 IST