The bond of marriage

We must learn to value the holiness of such relation

RELATIONSHIP

RAFIA TAFAZZUL

Each of us will suffer at different points in our lives, and when we are married, we are committed to sharing in the pain of another person. For that reason, we need to look to our commitment and to our marriage vows for strength, stability, and endurance —especially when feelings of love aren’t as strong as they once were. (H. Norman Wright, One Marriage Under God)
The single best day in every marriage is when two partners take responsibility for their part of the pie. Once a husband and wife, together take responsibility for the good as well as the bad in their relationship a small seedling of hope is planted. Its tiny roots are found in a rich soil, free from negative thinking about what somebody should have done or what somebody didn’t do. It is a seedling that, in time, will sprout optimism.
Every competent and honest person knows that no matter what the marriage problem, the system that sustains it is found in both people. Every marriage maintains balance as two people shift their positions, their attitudes, and their behaviors to counter one another. Thus in the long-term relationship, complete responsibility for holding the relation rarely rests entirely on the shoulders of one person. Before a single step is taken, before a move is made, spouses will need to realize that it’s not who’s wrong, but what’s wrong that counts.
Logically all religions and morals teach us to look at the greener side of the marriage and that is why in the afterglow of an argument or in the fatigue of family and career pressures, we often decide to stand by our spouse “for better or for worse.” When the “worse” seems to overshadow the “better,” we cling to this truth: feelings come and go; commitment does not. Latin, origins of the word “commit” mean to cling, cleave, connect or stick. Unfortunately now in our society, many people reason they are stuck in marriage instead of determining to stick to marriage. Our culture is feeding the consumer mind set of obsolescence in which people continually toss or trade in products — even relationships— that no longer satisfy their expectations.
God never intended marriage to be a test-drive relationship, but a binding pledge of permanence. The blueprint of the marriage in every religion shows man and woman as one flesh. God designed marriage as a lasting “one flesh” union between two souls. God knew from the beginning that marriage would not be about convenience, but commitment. Commitments of life-changing proportions are never struggle-free. But now people give off this commitment so easily as if they were strangers and our society is becoming a mute spectator witnessing all evils, gossiping all evils and thereby encouraging all evils.
But what if a marriage has grown stale? Look in the mirror and ask God how he can use it to transform the person looking back at you. If you have let bitterness seize your heart, stop praying for your spouse to change and ask God to change you. Most marriages can survive temporarily “falling out of love.” But you’re headed for disaster if you ever let yourself fall out of repentance.
Nowadays marriages don’t stay because betrayal has become common and is easily termed as compatibility. After the discovery of the betrayal in a marriage, the emotions are usually intense. The anger, hurt, bewilderment, betrayal, and numbing shock are almost overwhelming. The betrayed person will be angry, and needs the freedom to ventilate the rage. The language of anger is never pleasant; however, it is not only OK to say it with intensity and force, but it is absolutely necessary for true recovery to occur. People do not get better until they get mad. In a committed relation like this everyone who thinks they’re “winning” an argument, a manipulative situation or a planned betrayal needs to consider how it’s affecting their partner. Think about it —how can it be a winning situation if in order for you to win, your spouse has to lose. Many of such betrayed sensitive souls carry this deceit with them for the rest of their life.
Unfortunately, “We’re in an age of consumer marriage — this comes out not in people’s stated values, but when their marriage is troubled. Some say it is part of life and no one can stop living if one of the partners abandons another. Some say life moves on. And for the people with a really short attention span marriage is a box they check on their tax returns and serves as their present living arrangement. Rather than marriage being a special event, it is becoming nothing more that another business deal.
Perhaps God designed marriage to make us holy even more than to make us happy. I’m not suggesting that God has anything against happiness, or that happiness and holiness are mutually exclusive, but looking at marriage through the lens of holiness can begin to put marriage in a new perspective. In fact, it will lead us to believe that couples don’t really fall “out of love.” I think it’s more precise to say they fall out of repentance.
Still for some people marriage is respectful, precious, hard to dissolve and lifetime commitment but mostly it is these people only who are at the end of facing the harsh betrayals. Because In times of trouble they often feel shall we open our mouth to complain or keep it shut to express confidence in God? Do we trust God to sustain us through times of trouble or do we only expect him to get us out of trouble? Do we proclaim by our life, our thinking and our faith in God is sufficient for every problem life can present and that there is no force too great for Him to cope with and overcome.
 Whenever we   feel abandoned by the most valued relations, we might even feel abandoned by God because many of our prayers seem unanswered. Only those know how it feels who had been once there too. But still don’t lose heart. Every person who stays focused on God, when their marriages and families are in crisis, has come through their crisis feeling closer to God. So value the holiness of such relation as God Still Exists-Indeed!

(Feedback at rafiataf@rediffmail.com)

Lastupdate on : Wed, 31 Oct 2012 21:30:00 Makkah time
Lastupdate on : Wed, 31 Oct 2012 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Thu, 1 Nov 2012 00:00:00 IST




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