Rules of Parenting

Children will learn from the examples set by parents

UPBRINGING

KALPANA TIKKU

“Teach him if you can that 10 cents earned is of far more value than a dollar found. In school, teacher, it is far more honorable to fail than to cheat. Teach him to learn how to gracefully lose, and enjoy winning when he does win.” “Teach him to sell his talents and brains to the highest bidder but never to put a price tag on his heart and soul.”
These are some excerpts from the letter of Abraham Lincoln to his son’s teacher. The Surah Luqman (chapter 31 of the Qur’an) contains ten precious advice Luqmân offered to his son. Luqman’s wise advice to his son is for all of us to follow so that we may become good human beings. How many parents do we come across today who would be imparting similar values to their children?
That is precisely the reason that we don’t have heroes anymore. Today the world is facing very difficult times. Escalating crime, drug and alcohol abuse, workplace violence, vandalism, deteriorating work ethics, domestic violence, juvenile delinquency, rape cases, broken families and the list goes on.  It is time to teach good character to our children. In present times, we, as a society, have failed to a large extent as far as this aspect of parenting is concerned.  We rarely see the young generation giving up their seat when they see elderly people standing or helping someone old and feeble when he or she crosses a busy road.  Growing expressions of violence in contemporary times and a consumer-driven society that broadcasts more often than not negative messages are all the more reason to discuss issues related to child rearing.
We are ready to spend exorbitant amounts on branded clothes, fancy toys and exotic holidays to make our children happy. We want nothing but the best for our children as far as we can afford it. When they grow older, we start to teach them ways and means to be successful in life as far as economics goes. However, we often tend to neglect the most important things in life – to build his character and instill in him or her humanity and humility. Never forget that the way your child will conduct himself will be a reflection of your upbringing. Martin Luther King Jr had rightly said, “Intelligence plus character—that is the goal of true education.”  Unfortunately, we seem to have undervalued the significance of Character Building in recent times.
The number one rule of parenting is to lead by example. Be good role models as parents. Children have to be taught that the choices we make have consequences. For good or bad, they will affect us at some stage. Conflict is often the consequence of a choice we have made. It doesn't work to point the finger at someone else, cover up one's own bad choices or make excuses.
Empathy and Compassion needs to be taught to children from the very beginning.  Take your kids to the hospital and visit those who don't have any visitors. Support good causes. Children will begin to recognize that this is the right way to do things.
It is important to make a child realize that learning through mistakes is not something to be ashamed, depressed or scared about.  Children learn the most when they make mistakes. Teach him or her never to give up on trying.
Importance of Team Work goes a long way in shaping a child.  School and college level activities must be encouraged in groups as far as possible. Social behavior is something that needs to be taken up at home as well as at school. An increasing number of children today do not know how to behave at a particular place and most of them tend to throw their weight around and become extremely obnoxious (especially in cases where parents are rich or powerful, or both) and forget their place in society. It is perfectly alright to reprimand a child or punish him once in a while if he has been behaving badly.
Internet Technology is a powerful tool and a must for every modern day child .But even more important than this is teaching children the dos and don’ts of Internet practices.
Soft Skills for Real Life seem to be highly undervalued which is proving to be a costly mistake. At times we get to see outstanding and  exceptional kids lose out on big opportunities just because they lack these and no one ever taught the value of this to them. Let them know their strengths and work on their weaknesses from time to time without having fingers pointed at them.
Children have to be taught to develop gratitude. It is one of the most vital characteristics which need to be inculcated in children as a habit. Many children have started taking things for granted and have lost the value of things they are given. They need to be shown children less fortunate than them, so that they realize how much better off they themselves are and start being grateful for the things they have been blessed with.
Teach your child the joy of giving and contribution. Let them feel the pride of giving for the betterment of society. Watch them feel happy about making a positive difference in the world so they can enjoy and learn from this experience.
Teach children to appreciate the food they eat. It is important for children to understand that many in the world go hungry without food and make them understand how fortunate they are to be not facing such difficult times.
Values like honesty, respect, kindness, responsibility, integrity, humility, nourishing relationships, all of which help building up a child’s character, need to be taught through examples. We must not only make children understand that it is wrong to lie; we need to teach them about the importance of being honest.
Today’s culture assaults young people with ideas that not only steer them away from humane living but also endorse destructive habits and behaviors.  Instead of focusing on all of the bad people or events in the world, take the opportunity to remind your children of all of the good in the world. We can't prevent bad things from happening in the world, but we can teach our children how to be a force of good in the world themselves, a lesson that will stay with them for life.
Boys have to be taught from an early age that girls need to be looked upon with respect, not with scorn. Increasing cases of violence against women are happening in current times as a result of boys not being taught from childhood how to treat women.
Children should be raised not only with love, but also with Authority.  Limits should be set in firm ways. The most outstanding facilities or even the most advanced technology does not guarantee positive development of a child. Nothing can replace human interaction. All talks of leaving behind a better environment for children are good, but equally important is to leave behind better children for the world.
We have to be responsible for the right upbringing of our children. All of us need to make efforts to promote children's social and moral development for ourselves and for the world peace at large. The adage “As you sow, so shall you reap” holds true even today.

Lastupdate on : Thu, 3 Jan 2013 21:30:00 Makkah time
Lastupdate on : Thu, 3 Jan 2013 18:30:00 GMT
Lastupdate on : Fri, 4 Jan 2013 00:00:00 IST




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