My Life, My Misery !

SYED SHAHAB U DIN ANDRABI

There are two illusions, when they are imbibed, shape our future life accordingly. The two illusions are; Life is easy if pondered over meticulously and the second is, life is hard and is bound to be so. Both the observations are equally correct. We possess something precious called the ‘subconscious part of our mind’, though I am in hapless oblivion regarding science, what I have heard from my psychologist, whose name I wish to hold purposively, told me whatever we feed ourselves, we end up being that.

Since childhood, inter alia, I was afflicted with an inimitable, eccentric and rare conundrum called dyslexia. It literally made my life hell everywhere for quite some time. My father, haplessly, couldn’t gauge the problem I was undergoing. With all due deference, he failed at it diametrically. My entire family was unmindful of this hellish torment I was undergoing, they knew nothing whatsoever. Parental discontent, social mortification and repudiation, internal skirmish and grudged sympathy overwhelmed my entire entity. I must add here, specifically for those who see academic failures as an excuse for them to fail in other walks of life as well, I have consistently failed in one subject till grade 9th and I wonder how I went through that in grade 10th.

After I miraculously, with the whole host of psychological duress, went through grade 10th, I took commerce stream but abdicated it at later. After this astounding relinquishment, which might have stunned my family, I took science as a choice of my study. Though scientific study befuddled me for complete two years, in the end I vanquished it as well the way I had done two years back. Comparatively the progress was much better. After I finished grade 12th I got introduced to a world about which I knew nothing. I racked my brains but couldn’t decide what to do further. In the midst of this vacillation, my father suggested to me that I should choose Law. I unwittingly, without thinking it through, went for law.

Firstly, I chose Central University of Kashmir. I spent one year there suffering many disillusionments and myriad vicissitudes. The disillusionments I suffered were not because of the university, they were more so due to the internal mystifications and inadequacies. My mental instability, shortage of required confidence, estrangement and surreal public reticence motivated me to desert Kashmir. I thought, at that point in time, once I leave Kashmir everything will get streamlined. I went to Jamia Millia Islamia, thinking that the university would be an antidote to my inexplicable miseries. I was wrong. Why was I wrong? Simply because I sought remedy of my melancholies externally while being oblivious to their presence in me. Nonetheless, Jamia provided me a space to contemplate upon myself and my future. The dyslexic problem which I was suffering doused relatively. Evolving situations impelled me to shun and assuage social seclusion, from an introvert I turned into an ambivert.

Meanwhile, somehow, I got introduced to a book, ‘The Power of your subconscious mind’ by joseph Murphy. This book helped me to assuage and decimate many inadequacies, it paved the way for me to enter into the mainstream. I had, before also learnt about the dual nature of mind but didn’t pay any heed to it. Following suit whatever was suggested, with time, I sensed a surreal kind of change mentally. My mental obstacles dissipated one by one, the level of mental alacrity seemed better, my reading and understanding predicaments eased and the ignition of passion, that was spellbinding. All the miraculous changes that I underwent, they were only the result of me working on myself at subconscious level. While passing through an awfully drastic phase, I fathomed, in order for us to accomplish anything worth, three things are very important: -

Discipline

Passion

Consistency

Some may contend that intelligence is also an important prerequisite ergo, it cannot be excluded. I dissent for two reasons: -

Firstly, I don’t believe in the existence of the word

Even if I agree, the sphere of intelligence is constrained, beyond a certain point, intelligence becomes impertinent.

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