Marriage, one of the sacred bonds in everysociety and the primary vehicle of the institution of the family, is vieweddifferently by different people.
One of the basic issues which I suppose isleast addressed in our society, despite some laws of the land, is the riftbetween in-laws and the daughter-in-law. The girl who ‘happily’ leaves thewarmth of the unconditional love and care of her parents, the fun making withher siblings, the home which sheltered her in her thick and thin, the lanes andby-lanes where her childhood memories are ‘buried’, the friends who hold hersecrets in their chests, the relatives who used to be her strength, the matamaalvisits which had been her “Eid days” and everything what was her ‘assert’before marriage. But for what? Only to be tortured at her in-laws’ house whichhardly becomes her home and if it becomes someday, the dreams had already beenstrangulated. Now, she dreams but for her children as she ceases to be her realself anymore.
I wonder how much civilized and modern wehave become but we are still the old stuff though materially we have progressedleaps and bounds. Our mind is still stuck in the stone ages where in peoplewere ruled by force. We fail to recognise that we are living in the times whereforce hardly works. We can rule not only the heads but hearts as well but withlove, care, affection, compassion, justice and equality. Gone are the days whenpeople were tamed like cattle and sheep. So, we must rethink our collectiveperspective as a society.
And yes, the daughters-in-law to ones aredaughters to others. Thus, if our daughter in law suffers somehow in our home,our daughter would too suffer at the hands of her in-laws. Because, we forget,what goes around comes around. How couldwe ignore the fact that the daughter who scarifies everything whatever sheowes, for others (in-laws and their relations) to keep them happy. But have weever realised who will keep her happy? Who will offer sacrifice for her? Whowill live to her expectations? For God’s sake, tell me, why only the daughterhas to sacrifice her aspirations and dreams? Why her dreams and aspirations arealways trampled upon? Why she is often expected to pay the price for the faultshe never did? Why on earth she is being treated like other commodities everynow and then? Why can’t we realise her importance as the half of the humanity?
But the question arises who is responsible forsuch a worst treatment of the daughter? The answer is aptly given by a handyKashmiri idiom, “Dars chu phalwan punnuye pun” which means diamond cutsdiamond. Likewise, a daughter is responsible for the miseries and sufferings ofanother daughter because the present time mother-in-law was the daughter-in-lawof the past and the present day daughter-in-law is the mother-in-law of future.So, it is not the man who is directly responsible for all the mess rather thewomen herself who axes her own feet and degrades her own status.
So our society which is mostly patriarchalshould rethink its collective responsibility towards womenfolk who forms theimportant half of the society. Primarily, we must raise our voice towards thisinjustice and should not close our eyes. Also, we need to do moral counsellingof our women folk on regular intervals to make them realise that they aresuffering at their own hands. Last but not the least, one of the most importantpoints I would like to highlight here is that generally all the mothers-in-lawand in a good number of cases fathers-in-law as well somehow think that their’field of influence’ is being trespassed by some ‘foreign element’ (readdaughter-in-law), which often becomes the initial reason of strife in the familyand ultimately leads to disintegration of both the family as well as therelationships.
Therefore, it is incumbent on all of us towake up as early as possible else the family and social fabric are in danger.