Psychology of Grief

Normal Grief:

According to DSM and other books of psychology grief or mourning is anormal response to a significant loss – of spouse, child, parent, but also ofhealth, limb, career, savings etc. If a loss is obviously approaching, mourningmay begin before the loss actually occurs – anticipatory grief. Symptomsassociated with divorce may also be coded as partner relational problem.Recognise grief by restlessness, distractibility, apathy, weeping, crying, needto talk about dead again and again. Somatic distress is common and includesgeneralized weakness, a tightness in the throat, choking, palpitations andproblems of stomach. About 25 % patients have feelings of “they did not doenough to save the dead”.

   

Prolonged Grief:

Grief develops into a chronic depression that lasts for more than 1 year,where lower self esteem and guilt tend to be prominent.

Delayed Grief:

The  patient who does not grieve atthe time of loss is at risk for later depression, social withdrawal, anxietydisorders or taking to drugs.

Persons at Risk:

•             Received littlesupport or understanding from others after the loss. Multiple strong supportslessen the risk.

•             Have unresolved pastlosses.

•             Had ambivalentfeelings about the deceased when alive and have reacted to the death with guilt.

Treatment:

•             Encouragingsatisfactory mourning is an important activity for all of us.

•             Encourage mourning,say it is OK. Say it’s important and necessary, explain the anguish undoubtedly experienced during this process isessential and curative. However, do not force the patient – let him or her setthe pace. Assure the patient that emotions of sadness, fear are normal andunderstandable,  do not be embarrassed bythese emotions yourself. Work   with thefamily, mourners become social outcasts, help decrease the social isolation.

•             Keep the mournerinvolved in life slowly at first, but insist on increasing independence.

Kashmir centric points:

•             Give space to mournersto talk or vent their feelings in a separate room.

•             Some of them may beused to have certain type of tea at certain times of day, if during mourningbody is deprived of such tea or coffee, it will make healing more difficult.

•             Death is inevitable,let’s do something for the dead. Charity is the best way, its not necessary forthe mourner to be rich, charity of good deeds and words is the best charity.And those who  are financially stable,why not gift books to poor children in your locality secretly or purchase medicinefor poor in your locality, helping in marriage of orphans.

•             And lastly there is abrilliant idea from Positive Psychology

A mourner was advised to take out time to indulge in pure service. Hemade a principle of his life called Each One Teach One Each Day, if not eachday, then each month, if that’s difficult then each person each year. Thisbecame his hobby. All the past negative incidents that were reducing hisability to perceive positively a negative situation and accepting it werepushed back and forgotten. He became a new person, from one with a negativepast to one with a fresh mind eager to fill new positive experiences in itself.This would help him in crossing an uncertain present and constructing apositive future.

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