The other day I met a friend over a cup of coffee at one of Srinagar’s swanky cafe’s. While I was sipping my coffee, I couldn’t help but notice a lot of youngsters thronging the said place. Even though it’s heartening to see the café culture evolve in our part of the world, a question kept creeping in my mind and I couldn’t resist myself ask and was later forced to pen down a few thoughts on the same. For an ordinary youngster, being able to grab a bite everywhere is nice, as is sipping coffee at your favourite café every day, but the question is – Are they funding these everyday luxuries on their own, or is this lifestyle only possible because of mummy and daddy? I am not going to shy away from admitting that I too have been party to a similar parent funded lifestyle during my younger days and in fact we are all aware that as a norm in our part of the world, parents continue to help their adult children cover their expenses and most of the time, it seems like they’re happy doing that. So, what’s the problem?
The fact of the matter is, taking money from your parents even if you’re fully capable of supporting yourself can hinder your personal development. When you keep depending on your parents’ handouts, you impede your growth and maturity as a successful individual. Being financially dependent on them may also make you less ambitious. Adults who behave like children (are more likely to) have difficulty holding down jobs and forming healthy relationships. For example, because you’re so used to being catered to, you may not know how to deal when things don’t go your way (which happens a lot in the “real world”) and may be at a loss as to how to fend for yourself because you’ve never been in a position where you needed to. And does this make sense? After all, why learn how to budget, save and live according to your means – basic skills every adult should have – when there’s no reason to.
It’s equally important that you spare a thought for your parents, especially when they’ve sacrificed so much to raise you. Pardon me for thinking on these lines – have you ever wondered how much does it cost (in plain monetary terms) on an average to bring up just one child for 20 years in today’s day and age. By the time you’re an adult, your parents are likely to be living off their retirement savings or on a much smaller income.
Given their advanced age, their health will probably be deteriorating and they may need to spend more money on healthcare. Even if your parents are financially secure, should you be accepting money from your parents on a regular basis if you want them to be truly proud of you. We know quite well that money has a lot of emotional quotient for most people. Although your parents may give you money, they may experience the heartache, disappointment and shame that comes from supporting an adult child who won’t take care of himself/herself. Your parents may never say NO to you, but that doesn’t mean they approve of your dependence on them – particularly when you seem unable to take care of yourself.
Bottom line here is, at what point should you stop treating your parents like an ATM? I believe that as long as you’re working and getting a regular paycheck, it’s a good idea to stop taking money from your parents. Earning your own money marks your entry into adulthood. You become a responsible person who can make his own decisions, and making this distinction is a rite of passage in life. While it’s OK to depend on your folks if, say, you’re having trouble landing a job, it’s a completely different thing if you don’t want to work because you simply hate the idea of it. In a generic scenario, a person who doesn’t see the need for financial independence is unaware of personal boundaries. This may be due to their emotional issues or may be something they picked up from their parents. Weaning off your parents’ money may be terrifying, but the whole point of adulting is to be self-sufficient, as well as enabling you to make your own financial choices. Your financial independence is sure to bring you and your parents a healthy sense of pride – and this is one thing MONEY CAN’T BUY.
The point I want to make here is that, there are two things we should give our children – one is roots and the other is wings.
We are trying to ape the west in most aspects of life, however it would be simply awesome, if we can pick this one positive aspect from their social structure, wherein, a teen working to fend for himself becomes a norm in our society as well. I know for sure, it would require change in mindset, probably a generational change – but then miracles don’t happen overnight. We can well imagine the positive traits that our children would develop in their personalities.
So as a society, we need to evolve in terms of teaching our children about money, as at any stage, it is going to take time and won’t always be easy. But if you want your children to know how to successfully manage their money when they get older, taking the time now will be worth it. When you think about it, teenagers have plenty of free time— break between exams/results, summer/winter break and so on. If your teen wants some money, help him/her find a job. Better yet, help them become an entrepreneur! These days, it’s easier than ever for your teen to start up their own business. With time and compounding returns, they will accumulate a nice nest egg which they can later diversify into other investments. Need to teach them that Instead of getting more stuff, they ought to spend their money on meaningful experiences that will give them wonderful memories that last a lifetime and unless they know what it is, they’ll be living on auto-pilot and may have trouble living a meaningful life. At the end of the day, it’s not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, will make them successful human beings.
(Ifthikar Bashir is a freelance Financial Advisor)
cgc.srinagar@gmail.com