Death is an unquestionable fact which nobody can deny. In this ephemeral world people sometimes forget that they are not going to live here forever. The Almighty on the other hand keeps cautioning us through his holy book (Qur’an) that life in this world is a temporary one. With the signs like death of a loved one, close relative or a friend, we are made to believe that everything in this world is just temporary and short-lived. This in fact strengthens our belief. The Almighty says in Quran (chapter 2 verse 156) “We belong to God and to Him (one day) we shall return”.
People whose loved ones die only understand the pain and agony they have to go through. When the dead body of a close relative or a friend is brought before them for the last glimpse just before the burial or cremation it mollifies the grief stricken. But, when you are not even able to see the face of your loved one before his or her burial or cremation, how would you feel ?
History has witnessed wars, pandemics and epidemics which killed millions, but the situation would not have been so terrible as we see it amid COVID 19 pandemic especially this year. We lose our close relatives and friends almost daily. After these deaths we are not able to perform their last rites as per our tradition and religious teachings. This is so painful. Writer and author J C Macaulay, says never allow your sorrow to absorb you, but seek out another to console, and you will find consolation. COVID 19 pandemic isn’t allowing us to even console our relatives and friends.
You can’t console
Very recently I lost my father in law Ghulam Nabi Bhat, a resident of Hawal locality in Srinagar’s old city. He suffered from bilateral pneumonia after testing positive for COVID 19. Within mere 6 days of testing positive he died at Srinagar’s Chest Disease Hospital on May 4th 2021. I got a phone-call from my brother in law around 12:45 am on May 4th. I knew something was wrong. He told me “Dad is no-more”. I couldn’t believe it, as dad was alright only a week back when I had gone to see him on April 28th at his house. His oxygen level had come down that day. He was put on oxygen support at home. Next day on April 29th he tested positive and the same day he was shifted to hospital. Earlier around 24th April the deceased had even been vaccinated for COVID 19. He called his daughter (my wife) the same day and sought her feedback about fever and body ache post COVID 19 vaccination.
What hurt me most was that we could not perform his last rites as per our tradition and religious teachings. The relatives at home, his wife, daughters, sisters, grandchildren could not see his face before burial. It was so hurtful and upsetting when a handful of close relatives offered the last rites that too in the dead of night around the graveyard.
Not able to hug my kids
After the burial was over, my brother-in-law told the close relatives to leave. It was the dawn time. Calls for morning prayers were echoing from all the corners of Mal Khah, the mega graveyard in Srinagar’s old city. Only four or five of us came to the house of the deceased. It was now a more tortuous and heart rendering moment. My wife Fouzia was wailing, her mother (my mother-in-law) didn’t know her husband was no-more as she was herself not keeping well. Brothers could not console their sister by even holding her hand. I could not hug my grief stricken brother-in-laws. It was simply a horrendous moment.
When I reached home, my children after some time came to know about the death of their maternal grandfather. It was a message shared in our family whatsApp group which they had read. My children, aged 12 and 9 started crying. I had isolated myself in view of my visit to the graveyard and the house of in-laws. I was again not able to hold my kids in my arms and console them. I could hear their screams in my room, but I was helpless. This moment was more torturous and I literally cried. It reminded me of an English quote , crying is how your heart speaks, when your lips can’t explain the pain you feel !
My father-in-law has all along been socially active in his locality. He was very affectionate brother of his two younger sisters whom he would visit off and on. He would always visit people in the hour of grief and sorrow, but when it was his own turn, there was nobody!! This doesn’t mean it was his fault. The situation is like that. There are many more strong people in the world who could not get the farewell they deserved after death because of COVID 19 pandemic. We have several examples in Kashmir itself. This should not make our resolve weaker. We are witnessing a pandemic not known in the past. We need to get rid of coronavirus soon to make sure life comes back on the track.
Let us fight back
Grief and pain in the shape of epidemics and pandemics don’t have to be permanent as long as we remain willing to get up and fight back. Nobody can stop us from realizing our dreams. Sometimes walking away is needed to overpower the enemy and that is why we need to follow the COVID 19 protocol. This is indeed terrible.
Dr Raja Muzaffar Bhat is an Acumen Fellow. He is Founder and Chairman of Jammu & Kashmir RTI Movement