Kids are a nuisance

By God! I always knew children are pests! Parasites! Always demanding this or that! Never a moment of peace with them around! Bring down the whole house with their clamorous play! Say the most embarrassing things at the most inappropriate times! Disturb you at home! Disturb you at the parties! Disturb you on the roads! Here you try putting some pressure on the accelerator of your swanky new car and there some pesky kid comes along rolling a ball! 

Naughty kids! Snotty kids! I always knew them to be pests! Now the authorities have also awakened to this fact. High time too, for indeed children are synonymous with problems! They are a major source of conflict. Take any household, and you will see that it is invariably the children who contribute to the strife between spouses and between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. Then again most of the conflicts between neighbors start with the children. How many window panes are broken by cricket-playing children every year? Nobody has ever bothered to do even a basic research into this vital source of conflict but as the readers will bear me out many a neighborly relationship has soured because of this circumstance or others of the sort. You have formerly good neighbors getting into pitched battles because this kid broke that kid’s nose or has been calling him names. Of course the strife that starts in our homes and neighborhoods spills out, involving villages and towns and cities and ultimately the whole state, then the country and then there is strife between neighboring countries and war and all that!   

   

Take dogs for instance. Since times immemorial dogs have been considered man’s best friend. It is not for nothing that these friendly creatures must have earned this reputation. Now again it is the children who are bent upon spoiling this time-honored friendly relationship. Open a newspaper any day and there you have these pictures of children bitten and mauled by dogs and the civil society sets up a howl of protest! Why is it that mostly children are getting bitten or mauled or whatever? Has anybody ever bothered to go into this? No! Nobody bothers about that but everybody just piles all the blame on dogs without as much as asking them for their side of the story. Had sense not prevailed among the concerned authorities we might have exterminated these best friends of ours by now! And all because a little kid not worth even half-a-vote chooses to get bitten by a dog! 

Children, the nuisance they are, are now emerging as a potential threat to the comfort of our VIPs and of course we can’t let that happen! Now I know some bleeding hearts out there will get their hackles up at this statement. I know a lot of people are already whining as to why the school timings have again been changed to even earlier in the mornings. I say why not! It used to be said in the past that children should be seen not heard. I endorse this time tested adage. In fact like the authorities I will go even further and say that children should not even be seen! Remember that old tale about the Pied Piper of Hamlyn? The one who was promised a handsome sum to rid the town of rats? As the story goes the authorities reneged on their promised and did not pay him which made the Pied Piper sing a different tune on his pipe as a result of which all the children of the town followed him and disappeared from the town. At least that is what most people think.  Actually it was not quite like that. I am sure Wikileaks will come up with the truth some day. Meanwhile let me give you a sneak preview of what actually happened as I have come to know through my sources. The authorities did not go back on their promise. The Pied Piper was duly paid not once but twice, first for ridding the town of rats and then for ridding it of brats…er…I mean children! You see what happened was something like this: once the authorities witnessed the Piper’s success with the rats they paid him and then (confidentially of course!) asked him whether he could do the same with children. The Piper said that he could, for a higher consideration though and that the fees should be paid him in advance. We know the rest of the story, what happened to the kids and all that. The modified story that we get to hear is (as usual and as it should be!) the officially released version. 

God bless the Pied Pipers! Yes Pied Pipers! For the Piper was not an isolated entity but part of a tribe! Indeed Pied Pipers have always existed and they exist even today. The authorities have just to give a signal and these Pied Pipers change their tune as the situation warrants. So what if the Pied Pipers …er… I mean experts said only a couple of years back that early school timings are a threat to children’s’ health. The tune can always be changed and you can have Pied Pipers singing that early school timings are actually beneficial to health like in ‘Early to bed and Early to rise…’. So lay out the red carpet for the VIPs and as for the kids sweep them under it! 

(Truth is mostly unpalatable…but truth cannot be ignored! Here we serve the truth, seasoned with salt and pepper and a dash of sauce (iness!). You can record your burps, belches and indigestion, if any, at snp_ajazbaba@yahoo.com)

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