Can I write? I don't think so. My friends believe that I can be a good writer. I respect the level of confidence and appreciation they have for me. I used to write research papers and articles and my friends don't understand them at all and still they believe that I can write. The feeling of being a writer gives me a lot of excitement and I just can imagine my articles published in national newspapers. Though my research papers are published in reputed international journals. I think it is easier to evaluate energy integrals and get solutions both real and imaginary and plotting them is a real excitement. But writing an article seems impossible. No ! I can't write but they strongly believe that I can. This controversy and contradiction of thoughts confused me and I started believing in them. I made my mind to write on social issues and problems. The whole day I involved myself thinking about social problems but un-noticeably and unintentionally I found myself solving a problem from Landau and Lifshitz a famous book on statistical mechanics. I solved a problem and calculated correlations of matter and dark matter which is almost ready for getting published in an international journal. The cumbersome and lengthy calculations left no blank page for me to write on a social problem. My pen was empty and I forgot all social problems.
I thought to wind up my aim of being a writer. But then again my friends messaged me and asked for a write up. I tried to hide my struggle in writing an article and I pretended as if I am writing on a very big and challenging social issue. Again I started my day at my favourite place in my home where I get solace and find myself the happiest soul on Earth. With a pen in my hand and a bundle of paper, I posed myself a big writer and started thinking. A beautiful and catchy view of white mountains from my window compelled me to think about nature around me. Half my day is over and I could not sum up the vast nature in few words, though I could feel the nature, was happy to see the silver mountains partially shining with the sun rays penetrating through clouds and cold breezes diverging from the snowy peaks and few drops of rain making musical notes on the roof of my house, the trees dancing giving me the feel of harmonic oscillations with elements anharmonicity in it. Yes ! I again started thinking physics and could not write an article.
My day is over, and all of a sudden it came to my mind that it was Sunday and I was supposed to prepare me and my child for a week long schedule. I forgot to cook, I forgot to wash and iron my child's uniform and I forgot to prepare a lecture for my graduate students. Annoyed and angry with the feeling that I wasted my whole day and could not write an article. But my friends still think I can write, so I will try it next Sunday!!!!
Author is Sr.Assistant Professor Physics, SP College, Srinagar