Nobody can take your place in my life

I wonder, can anyone ever understand me more than you?

With this, I lost my compassionate friend, a caring Khala, a loving mother, a beloved sister, my secret keeper and more.

I wonder, can anyone ever understand me more than you? 

You were the angel of my life and will remain forever. You left a deep void in my heart, the selfless love and care you showered on me will fade away. May Allah reunite us in the hereafter. My heart is heavy, struggling with loads of thoughts and feelings, which can only be eased up by your valuable advices and of course, only a glimpse of you can satisfy my thirst. I have lot of thoughts to share with you. Nobody can take your place in my life.

As usual I was late, I was late to be by your side at the last time, I was late to share a last smile with you, I was late for everything. My legs were trembling with fear, wishing it was a dream. I made you wait for long hours. But thank you, thank you so much 'Baji' for waiting. That minute long glimpse of your blessed face will always be precious for me. Your radiant face was shining like a star. You were in a deep sleep.

I can't forget our endless conversations and those unforgettable memories, me accompanying you till the gate from where you left for office with me watching til you faded into the vanishing point. Out of endearment, you would never let me brush my hair so you always did it yourself until my graduation. Your different tactics to wake me up in the morning, your concern that I may catch an evil eye if I wear something nice, your dreams for my big day, all these memories are afresh. Our bond was beyond the understanding of this world. Why you left so early? I haven't fulfilled a single dream of yours yet. The dreams that we saw together, the dreams that I promised to accomplish. I don't remember a single day when we didn't talk to each other. People used to call me your secretary, always attached by your side wherever you go. I feel proud that I grew under your shadow right from my birth.

You were an epitome of patience, perseverance, courtesy, wisdom, beauty, enthusiasm, optimism, and kindness. Everything a girl would dream of – all the qualities that made you so special. Always remaining patient to others' behavior and doing well to everyone irrespective of what they did to you. You were having selfless love for everyone. You were indeed a warrior who fought every drastic situation with a smile. You were a pious lady. That's why Almighty saved one of the most blessed nights of last ten days of the sacred month of Ramadhan for you to leave this world.

I have learnt most of the profound lessons of my life from you. I will try to follow your foot prints, Insha Allah . Wish I succeed in becoming the reflection of your thoughts.

Today, your friends came and told how you used to miss me. They said you never had any regrets of not marrying because you had me as your daughter, who will be always there for you no matter whatever the situation. Such was your trust on, and I am proud to be your daughter.

The regret of not being by your side in your last moment is killing me from inside. I was not with you, when you needed me the most. I can feel how you would have felt when everyone thought of hospitalizing you. You were scared of the thought of being admitted in the hospital. Your smiling face would hide your endless agony. Why you kept hiding all your pain from me? My studies weren't important than you. You came first on my priority list. No matter what people say, nobody can understand the pain I am going through.

With moist eyes, I leave you to Allah because nothing is harmed under His protection.

(The author is PhD research scholar at IIT Delhi)

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