From blessing to burden

It is extravagant marriages and complicated terms for matchmaking that make daughters a burden
From blessing to burden
"Like other parents with marriageable daughters, they too spend restless nights as being well qualified and charactered is not sufficient to get a good match in our society. "Negativespace [Creative Commons]

There has always been a debate on “Daughter: Blessing/ Burden”. But the reality is that it is A society that determines what she becomes. In our society daughter is a burden. It is extravagant marriages and complicated terms and conditions for matchmaking that make daughters a burden.

My parents have five daughters and they always make us feel that daughters are the biggest blessing but as we enter prime age of marriage this notion changed.

Like other parents with marriageable daughters, they too spend restless nights as being well qualified and charactered is not sufficient to get a good match in our society.

We should have a white collar job; a well furnished bungalow, short family and glamorous looks. Now a matchmaker, barely read, asks girls with masters why you don’t have a doctorate; you should have strived enough to get through SSB or PSC interview. They clearly tell parents that since your daughter is jobless it is difficult to get a good match.

There is a man in Srinagar who is looking for a spouse from so many years. His mother shows a box with 100 gold coins to all matchmakers that this is the gift I will give to my daughter-in-law but her parents should also be in a position to pay equally to my son.

In this race she is yet to get a bidder to sell her son and irony is that she is not realising that her son has already crossed prime age for marriage. Likewise there are so many other gentlemen who want walking ATMs ; earning wives; professionals.

As a result girls prefer to delay their marriage till they get doctorate and a job so as to make themselves competent enough to stand in marriage market.

Let’s now come to other part of story. In some cases girls too are responsible for late marriage. Many girls seek government employees; short family, high status, wealth. They don’t give preference to qualified non-govt employees.

Take Away.

Since we have made the pious bond of marriage a monetary deal our young brothers and sisters who are in their late 30s are yet to get married. This is one of the main reasons for higher infertility rates. Late marriages are fuelling a trend of illegal premarital relations.

It is high time that we realise the essence of Nikah and make it more and more simple, and affordable, not the one which takes whole life for poor parents to make wedding preparations. Financial security should be sought by females and not males while looking for spouse.

Beware what you give preference to; a big pocket or a kind and charactered heart. For it is not only a partner we choose but a parent for our children. Give preference to those whose lives are enlightened with deen.

There is a lesson for us from the our beloved prophet ( SAW). If we also become mindful and sensitive in our approach we can contribute a lot in stopping the further spread of the fire of late marriage.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are the personal opinions of the author.

The facts, analysis, assumptions and perspective appearing in the article do not reflect the views of GK.

Greater Kashmir
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