BY Khazran Khan
“My parents were strict, but it was the world I lived in. I had no idea that there was a world outside.” _ Katy Perry
Over controlling parents are more hazardous and toxic than any poison contaminating child’s food. This is a fact that most Indians are bad parents. Children who have controlling parents are at a higher risk for certain mental and psychological problems. Depressions , anxiety and suicides are undoubtedly the visible outcomes for the same. Not having freedom to express themselves, to nourish the skills they have, to have a discussion with parents and to feel aloof all the time, directly or indirectly, contribute to the deterioration of their mental health. Having a parent who is controlling and overly strict lowers a child’s IQ and confidence. This inculcates the qualities of being introvert, shy, coward and indecency in child’s characters.There are two types of parental control —behavioral and psychological control. And out of the two, psychological control is the dangerous one. It refers to intruding into children’s emotional and psychological development. Controlling parents constrain, invalidate and make the kids every time emotionally dependent on them. Such parents are often recognised by being overprotective, possessive and commanding to their children.
Nevertheless to mention that strict parents not only seem to create an apprehensive atmosphere around their kids but also are accountable in turning their children into more effective liars. Yes, though it sounds absurd, but its a bitter truth that every parent wants to escape from.
Strict and controlling parents are often rude and scold their kids for speaking the truth, which ultimately causes children who are afraid to tell the truth, learn more deceptive behaviour; as to avoid getting into quarrels with their parents. Not only this, but it's a sad thing on part of the parents who think that caging children means equipping them with discipline. But then how on earth do they expect too much from caged bird; whose wings are clipped and who knows nothing of flying? In the words of Alejandro Jodorowsky: “Birds born in a cage think that flying is an illness.”
Demanding blind obedience and conformity from your children, not allowing them to question you, not letting them make their own decisions and disrespecting your children in front of others, provokes aversion and antipathy in their hearts against you; which ultimately forceS them to disrespect you in return and violate the norms set forth by you. Parents need to understand and socialize more with their children and try to learn lessons for becoming good parents.
There is no doubt in the thought that Indian parents forcefully implement their decisions on their children by making them suffer in one way or the other. Rather than acting as villains, they should try to become friendly and develop cordial atmosphere with their children and strengthen this parent – child bond.
This can be done by paying good attention and keen thought on what your children is trying to say and want to convey to you. “Good parents give their children roots and wings. Roots to know where home is, wings to fly away and exercise what’s been taught to them.” — Jonas Saik.
Parents who are over controlling and strict need to analyse the ongoing reasons behind so many suicides among youth. It’s not at all accepted that every time you will play a blame game with your child. Before keeping in consideration anything there is a need and urgency to look what you are actually talking and deciding for your children. At times many parents try to emotionally blackmail their children by showing the feelings of over love and guilt to them.
It’s very important for you to try to put yourself in the shoes of your children and understand from their perspective the all emotions and things that usually keep enveloping their mind. Lack of rapport, bad communication skills, generation gap also adds fuel to this fire. One of the essential things for parents to always remember is that: “Stop comparing your children with others.” It’s what Albert Einstein says: “Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
It’s a humble request from me to all the parents that stop raising your children by being too harsh, overly strict and over controlling all the time. Instead give it a try of becoming good parents by supporting them in their light and dark, by encouraging them in doing good, by letting them set their wings free and allowing them to breathe the air of freedom.
Author is an engineering student.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are the personal opinions of the author. The facts, analysis, assumptions and perspective appearing in the article do not reflect the views of GK.