Being frail and having a compromised immunity system, older people show severe symptoms of Covid-19. After diagnosis, some of them were treated in hospitals and some have been managed at their respective homes. During these traumatic times when social distancing is a key to prevent oneself from Covid-19, most of the ageing population in Kashmir was never left alone—be it accompanying them to diagnostic labs and hospitals to giving care at home. Barring a few exceptions, those who tested positive for Covid-19 saw tremendous support and concern from their families. This particularly holds for the ageing patients who were provided care by their offspring.
Covid-19 transformed and re-wrote many aspects of living and caring. In Kashmir, we witnessed overwhelming attention and devotion from families whose members were diagnosed with Covid-19. Without thinking about the consequences, they demonstrated fortitude and forbearance. Most of the elderly people had their children with them as attendants in the hospitals. Many of the attendants even contracted this virus while being at diagnostic labs or hospitals with their infected family members.
Contrary to the time and care given to the aged Covid-19 patients in Kashmir by their family, in many parts of the developed world, most of the older adults died either in old age homes or in hospices. The BBC News reported that about a quarter of known coronavirus deaths in Great Britain have happened in care homes. In Scotland, almost 45% of all deaths took place in care homes (Coronavirus deaths: How big is the epidemic in care homes?–May 2020). The recent news report carried by The New York Times reveals that at least 106,000 coronavirus deaths have been reported among residents and employees of nursing homes and other long-term care facilities for older adults in the United States. In 13 states, at least half of deaths are linked to nursing home (More than 100,000 U.S. Coronavirus deaths are linked to Nursing Homes–December 2020).
As kids, we have been taught about the essence of family. A one-liner we all recall is that ‘family never leaves you alone’. Come what may, family shelters us with assurance. This instills a sense of belonging and faith in us. Health issues or otherwise, whatever the problems, we as kids find our parents always with us. The fact that 2 to 3 per cent newborns with birth defects, resulting in mental and physical disabilities, have their parents and family as solitary support. Healthy or ailing, the children are never considered a burden by their parents. They never think of packing off their children to any caregiving home because of their health ailments.
However, in certain cases, while the parents age and develop any health issue, it is taken as an awkward liability and adversity that has befallen the family. Some even start thinking about shifting them to hospices and old age homes. While the actual aim of the hospice is to provide pain-free death to the terminally ill people (like cancer) irrespective of their age, it is not a dumpsite for every elderly who is considered a burden by his/her family. Even developed nations, having state-of-the-art nursing homes and hospices for the elderly, face a lot of crisis and criticism because of matters ranging from economics to ethics.
We must let go of the misconception that child needs its family more than any elderly for whom the worst feeling is not being ignored; rather it’s about being ignored by someone you would never ignore. As such, both need reassurance and restfulness; both deserve healing and happiness.
Bottomline: In comparison to the fast modernizing societies in the world, the family system in Kashmir seems altruistic and thoughtful even now. Despite witnessing a palpable rise of the nuclear-family norm, the family ties and bonds have not been severed to an end. Lifestyle and livelihood needs might have changed and impacted our social structure but there is a flickering hope—the message that mutual caring and calming is still not an antediluvian concept here. The outside world has many reasons to call us “antiquated” but we have all motivation to be proudly so! Most of us here continue to believe in a caring family, dedicating our time and denying the ‘better’ pastures. For us, Covid-19 has uncovered this pleasant truth amidst the painful reality of pandemic.