The Kashmir valley is once again under siege! The roads are deserted and the markets present a desolate look. The common man in Kashmir had just begun to stretch his limbs after a protracted season of hartals and curfews when suddenly there was this coup which has all the ferocity of Genghis Khan’s attacks and more. Restrictions were put in place even before any formal declaration. Days before the announcement of the coup there were people who woke up from sleep and stepped out of their homes only to be thrown prostrate on the ground after slipping on sheets of ice that had come up mysteriously during the night. There were reports from some remote areas that people are not venturing out because they find themselves hemmed in by a wall of icy bayonets hanging from their roofs. It was only on 21st December that the word leaked that the Valley had been taken over by General Chilai Kalan after a bloodless coup.
There is an unannounced curfew and the general public has been more or less put under house arrest. Movement has been strictly restricted by the forces of General Chilai Kalan and a night curfew under Section Minus Seven is in force. As soon as it gets dark the roads are deserted except of course for the dogs who have consistently demonstrated the capability of being able to align with whosoever happens to be in power. Freeze-at-sight orders have been issued whereby citizens have been warned against movement from dusk to dawn under threat of death by freezing. The common man, who is only half-alive anyway, has been buried under layers of clothing. People have been put under a novel variety of house arrest in which a long loose garment called Pheran keeps them imprisoned even if they are apparently mobile. Moreover, their hands remain handcuffed at all times to another device called Kangri (a wicker-work enmeshed clay-pot carrying live coals!). Of course there are some privileged prisoners who manage facilities like lighting and heat but by and large the incarcerated population has been reduced to a shivering and snivelling mess. Activities like taking a bath or indulging in protracted washing of self or possessions have been declared to be subversive acts by the forces of General Chilai Kalan and can fetch severe punishment ranging from chilblains and common cold to even death depending upon the degree of violation. This has created so much panic that some people have been pestering doctors for prescriptions to induce constipation so as to avoid all unnecessary contact with water. Even as such there will be lots of casualties because of this coup. Every time the phone starts ringing in the early morning hours you can be sure that the Grim Reaper has dragged away some old and ailing relative.
The whole valley presents a grim picture indeed. Electric cables can be seen drooping helplessly across miserable-looking poles outlined starkly against a bleak landscape. A word of caution though! It has been reported that the PDD authorities are passing current through these transmission cables at irregular and unannounced brief moments as a deterrent to prevent any attempt by thieves to cut and steal them. Water has become a scarcity and any pipes that have been hoarding water have already been burst or are going to be burst as per standing orders of General Chilai Kalan. Meanwhile after being subjected to extreme torture the legendary Dal Lake of Kashmir has frozen in parts and according to unconfirmed reports some unscrupulous persons have started building structures on the solid crust and are making haste to get these holdings regularised under the Roshni Act before the ice melts.
Essential commodities have become scarce and there is hoarding and black-marketing although the authorities keep issuing statements that enough stocks are available, but then of course the statements are actually confessions by these honest guys about themselves and their near and dear ones. There are extravagant rumours too as is usual in the times of war or a coup. It is being said that in a remote hamlet milk is being sold in bunches and bundles because as soon as milk is expressed from cows’ udders it freezes into the shape of a knitting needle. Another rumour that has since been proved wrong was that a guy lost an eye after his neighbour spat at him because by the time the spit hit him it had frozen hard as a stone.
It has been revealed that the authorities had received strong intelligence inputs regarding this coup. That’s why, knowing that they cannot hold their own against as formidable a foe as General Chilai Kalan, they managed to flee from the valley well before the advent of the General. Meanwhile, work in government offices, the ones that have been left behind that is, has reportedly come to a standstill. This is being attributed to resentment among employees over the fact that they have been left behind. While that may or may not be true it is obvious that the government employees are not willing to take the risk of taking their hands out of their pockets except of course for receiving their salaries.
Fie! It seems that the General’s forces have surrounded me! Ah! I can’t write!!! My hand! Oh my poor hand! It’s f-r-o-z-e-n!!!
(Truth is mostly unpalatable…but truth cannot be ignored! Here we serve the truth, seasoned with salt and pepper and a dash of sauce (iness!). You can record your burps, belches and indigestion, if any, at snp_ajazbaba@yahoo.com)