Infantspeak!|Straight from a babe’s mouth

Infantspeak!|Straight from a babe’s mouth

To put it in three words flat 'I am here! No need for thatsupercilious smile on your face, I know that I cried and howled a lot when Iwas 'ushered' into this world but then under the circumstances what would youdo! Imagine that you are sleeping in calm and peaceful environs and thensuddenly a gang of masked hoodlums slashes open your sleeping bag and withouteven giving you so much as a chance to dress yourself you are dragged out undera glare of extra bright lights! Wouldn't it scare the daylights out of you!What else can a guy do except cry and create a din and a fuss!

What is more, the harassment doesn't stop there. Handed fromone hand to another I soon landed up with a particularly sadistic team thatproceeded to unceremoniously scour and scrub and rinse me till I was sore allover. After an unnecessarily vigorous toweling my limbs and the rest of me wasthrust into bits and pieces of clothing. Thus packed and trussed up, I washanded over to my relatives who were waiting outside the theatre.

As soon as I was handed over to them I bawled out lustilytrying to register a complaint against the indignities that I had had to sufferin there. It seems, however, that all the adults are somewhat stupid (laterevents further confirmed this suspicion of mine!), because nobody took any noteof my complaint. Instead they all looked like they were trying to outdo eachother in expressing their joy. Strange faces loomed into my field of vision,some laughing and crying at the same time (Imagine!). Finally, nearly smotheredin a couple of blankets, I was taken to a room in a procession.

A white-bearded Santa Claus-look alike (who turned out to beone of my grandfathers!) pulled one of my ears and shouted an Azan into it andwhile it was still ringing with the same he gave me a second dose of it in myother ear. A good thing that was because it reminded me to mumble my prayerswhich it looked like I was going to need a lot of in the times to come! Infact, the danger started almost immediately after this. A white coated ladycame in and shamelessly exposing my bum jabbed me with a needle. Again I bawledout as much as my lungs would allow!

Now I was on full public display. It seemed that everybodywas determined not to let me sleep in peace. Every other minute a face wouldloom up overhead and try to compare my looks with someone or the other in thefamily. Somebody commented that I was a sleepy chap as I kept my eyes mostlyshut. It is not that I did not open my eyes but what for to keep them open whenthe only sight that meets them is an unsightly close-up of people's nostrils!Not an alluring sight that, as you would probably agree and I hope this doesnot sound rude but not all of them were in a spic and span condition either yousee! I was trying to sleep and yet forced to accept a feed without anyone eventelling me what is on the menu or bothering to enquire about my taste or preferences.My mother squeezed me close to herself, something was forced into my mouth,somebody held my head, someone else tickled my feet and yet another tweaked myears. I knew that these people were not going to let up till I oblige them so Isucked reluctantly (with a scowl on my face as a protest statement) for half aminute or so, an effort that was mightily cheered! I didn't relish this forcedfeeding and I could sense that this was a potential conflict zone in the timesto come and that there was going to be many an argument on the issue of howmuch and what I am supposed to eat! Not that I would always give in so easily.There will be a lot of time for vociferous protestations and even a tantrum ortwo later on. No need to tip my hand so early in the game!

One would think that after having obliged them, they wouldallow me some peace. But no! Now they kept peering at my hind quarters! What dothey suppose I am! Some kind of a miracle worker! In one end and out the other!It takes time to digest and process things but no they wanted instant results!Finally I coaxed my bowels into action and once again obliged if only to assurethem that I am fully functional. Embarrassingly enough, the news of myachievement – my first bowel movement – was conveyed to all concerned and amurmur of thanks went up.

So that's it! Somebody up there had told me that theAlmighty has not lost hope so far as mankind is concerned (in spite of theircontinued transgressions!) and that's why he keeps sending fresh batches ofbabies into this world! I guess that makes me a proof of the Almighty's faithin mankind! Kind of inspiring, isn't that! Anyway I am sure life is going to bequite an adventure and there will many a tale to tell. Right now it isnap-time. Zzzzzzz…

(Truth is mostly unpalatable…but truth cannot be ignored!Here we serve the truth, seasoned with salt and pepper and a dash of sauce(iness!). You can record your burps, belches and indigestion, if any,

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