It is a late afternoon with red streaks in the autumn sky, and the last remnants of the day fading. The sky slowly changed colors. I am solitary, as silent as tombstones. At times, solitary confinement is healthy for the soul. Gazing at my land across, letting my thoughts wander without conscious direction that the other half of my divided territory is still under constant clampdown since that final nail in the coffin. It’s late fall here. The memories come gushing like a flash flood.
It’s been eons since I last heard from you, Marwan. Today I didn’t feel like listening to music, sitting with family, chattering with friends [which I rarely do], didn’t feel like reading, didn’t feel like slurping tea. But I am gyrating my fingers at the keyboard and feeling a burning impulse to write to you, dear Marwan. I don’t know why. Perhaps the fire of love ignited. The surreal autumn wind with a little chill of late November whipped through my chest, humming God’s music in my ears. And carrying you back in my heart and soul with the cologne of red dry autumn leaves- the ultimate cure for sadness. It’s almost going back in time. A reminiscent of sturdy love.
Dear Marwan, at the moment my eyes are brimmed with tears and I don’t know how to release myself from the ghost of memories. You know, I am watching you day and night. I had seen beautiful faces before but to my mind, they usually lacked the traits I found more desirable. Traits like confidence, patience, compassion, and strength of spirit, with the passion you loved and wanted me. Traits accredited to yourself only. That is what makes you unparalleled. That’s why I am longing so hard for you that I have no time to catch my breath. The path to love isn’t a walk in the park, it is a thorny road but the destination is beautiful. But it is worth taking the risk. You know, Marwan? Ishq is not everybody’s cup of tea. Everyone can’t afford to love.
It is believed that the universe always falls in love with a stubborn heart. The first time you fall in love, it changes you forever. No matter how hard you try, the feeling never goes away. It is a drug. You know I have been in love, Marwan. I can remember every moment. Every microsecond was meaningful. That period was perfect.
I don’t know what is it about you that makes me feel like I am in love once again, Marwan. Can love happen twice? You tell me, Marwan? Even after all these months? What sort of power did you have over me? The nostalgia of your love has tightened its grip. I don’t even discern how it started or what I wanted it to be, but somehow I evolved into this. Poets often describe love as an emotion that we can’t control, one that overwhelms reason and sense. That’s what it was like for me. I didn’t plan on falling in love with you. But once when we came across each other in an unknown territory years ago, it was clear that neither of us could control what was going to happen to us. Love that has happened only once, and that’s why every minute we spent talking has been seared in my memory. I will never forget a sole moment of it. You turned out exactly the same person I wanted in my life. There could never have been another.
My dear Marwan, we as humans have no right to question God but I do very often. Asking His majesty why He has created this division between us. Why between you and I, if we aren’t meant to be together for life? Poles apart from each other. But dear Marwan, sometimes, absence is actually a bond and distance can help you to feel closer. You are gone Marwan doesn’t mean my love for you also faded. It will never. You were always perfect for me. I understand everything. Kuch to majboriyan rahien hongi, Yu’n koi bewafaa nahi hota.
Today the memories are stronger and more intense than ever. Sometimes, I think of diving into the ocean of compulsion and swimming across to you but I am chained here. It’s just that, dear Marwan, our future is dictated by what we are, as opposed to what we want. But you gave me something different. Something special I never had. Something electric. Your love is serenaded by a mockingbird- a whisper, creator of dreams and happiness. Your love watered the barren land of my life. Pure in form, as true love is. Spring of hope and the season of light completely illuminated my darkened world. An epoch of infinite love and a life of intimacy. You showed me what it was like to care for another and I am a better human today because of it.
Dear Marwan, the dunes are changed by the wind, but the desert never changes. That’s the way it will be with our love for each other. Please don’t cry today because our separation of despair and tears will be dissolved into the passion of love in the world hereafter. I love you. I always will. More than you can imagine, no matter what. I will always be yours. Your love is the pinnacle of my life and you are my heart and soul. My timeless beauty. Treasure greater than anything else I have won. You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me!
Note: The author is from Keran Kupwara and the name Marwan is the creation of the author’s imagination.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are the personal opinions of the author.
The facts, analysis, assumptions and perspective appearing in the article do not reflect the views of GK.