If I were ever asked to nominate one teacher for Harvard Business School without even a moment’s hesitation I would choose Mithe saeb. It would be an ideal choice too for Mithe saeb is a born businessman who can literally teach you what they don’t teach at the Harvard business school. A school dropout he started life as an assistant to a scrap dealer and soon ended up with the scrap dealer being his assistant. Nowadays he has his fingers in more pies than he has fingers yet on the face of it Mithe saeb always enjoyed an indolent life style. I mean I have never seen him sweating at earning his keep (though he has certainly earned much more than that!)
With the sort of curriculum vitae that he has (especially the part about not having to sweat it out!) it was but natural that I sought out Mithe saeb’s advice when I decided to set up a business of my own. You see although I come from a reasonably well-off family I have been living off my inherited share of the family riches and since I have been at it for quite some time now my stock had dwindled to a dangerously low level. I must admit that so far in life I have been a bit of a rolling stone and have not been able to set up anything in the way of a permanent livelihood generator. It is not that I did not try but somehow all my ventures either never got off the ground or if they did they crash landed soon after. But then Providence smiled at me just as I was about to hit rock bottom. I inherited some property and a bit of money from an eccentric uncle who being a bachelor had no offspring of his own and who luckily took a fancy to me in his twilight years. It was a jackpot for me and a timely one too. Providence does not go around smiling at you all the time so this time around when I decided to start my own business I thought it prudent to seek Mitha saeb’s advice.
Mithe saeb welcomed me with his trademark hug and got down to business immediately. “You have no experience of business? Right?” he asked. I nodded in the affirmative.
“You would want a ‘respectable’ business? Right?”
“Then there are the local conditions you have to take into consideration? Right?”
“You have this building with land? Right?”
I kept nodding in response.
“Ah but first let me ask you something? Have you thought of any business yourself? Do you have anything particular in mind?”
“I could convert the building into a shopping mall…” I said vaguely.
He rejected the idea with a wave of his hand. “Too much expense! It will entail a lot of modifications of the building and besides I don’t think it is ideally located.”
“I also toyed with the idea of turning it into a hotel,” I said.
“Bah!” he said, “Too many hassles and then tourists are a fragile commodity. You will be making more losses than profit!”
“Ok you tell me! In fact that’s why I came to you. I just want a business which runs by itself, doesn’t need much effort and all that,” I said with a self-disparaging smile.
“Ha! Ha! Right! You have come to the right address. I will tell you how to set up a money spinner and that too without having much to do yourself!”
I gazed at him in admiration for this was the sort of business I had always fantasized about.
“School! You start a school for kids in this building you have inherited,” he said with a benevolent smile.
“A school!” I said barely containing my disappointment, “Now what sort of a business would that be?”
“Why a school is the coolest business there ever was! Lots of respect! You are identified as one of the pillars of the society! And more important is that school means Big bucks! The best thing is that you rake in profits even before the school gets started!”
“How’s that?” I asked.
“You announce the setting up of a school with a fancy name. If you want to add a bit of edge you can buy a couple of foreign ‘affiliations’. Then you announce admissions and the money starts rolling in. You pick up millions as admission fees only!”
“But…” I was still doubtful.
“Fit business for this place! You see a school is an all-season venture. Unaffected by hartals! You get paid at the end of the month even if the school did not open for a single day. You pick up bus fees even if the bus didn’t move an inch for months altogether. Then of course there are paid vacations and free picnics! Why even picnics mean cool pickings!
“The school business opens up all sorts of avenues. It is a chain of businesses actually. Other than tuition fees and others fees you get to tie up with garment outlets, shoe dealers, book sellers, stationers and whomsoever else you choose! It’s a money spinner all the way I tell you. Whichever way you turn you will find crisp currency notes trying to catch your eye! You can have a business partnership with even the ice-cream vendors and panipuri and bhelpuri wallahs if you choose!”
“Er…ahem,” I was feeling embarrassed as I tried to speak about one possible impediment to my setting up a school, “Er…I never passed my matric exams…”
My admission about my educational qualifications or rather lack of same invited loud guffaws from Mithe saeb causing me even more embarrassment. He shook his head as he barely controlled his mirth and said, “Hey starting a school doesn’t mean that you have to impart education yourself! Once you announce the school you will have PhDs teeming at your door for a job! “
“But the authorities…licenses…school inspectors and all that? Isn’t that a hassle?”
He shook his head and said, “It isn’t if you turn them all into your ‘shareholders’!”
“Shareholders?”
“Yes just make sure that everybody who counts gets his ‘share’ and you will never lack for allies and facilitators!”
Well I took Mithe Saeb’s advice and though I was never partial towards education as a kid now I am really enjoying school and how! Indeed school business is so cool a business!
(Truth is mostly unpalatable…but truth cannot be ignored! Here we serve the truth, seasoned with salt and pepper and a dash of sauce (iness!). You can record your burps, belches and indigestion, if any, at snp_ajazbaba@yahoo.com)