Come January and we get rid of our old calendars and buy, gift or are gifted new calendars which become our companions for the whole year. Since I happened to have a surplus of calendars this year I decided to gift one to my friend. He uttered his thanks and said, “What a coincidence! I was thinking about calendars just now.”
“Thinking about calendars?” I said.
“Actually I was thinking that there could be quite a few really useful calendars for and about Kashmir”, he explained.
“Well there is already the JK Bank calendar which hangs in nearly every home of Kashmir like our own National flag,” I said.
“Exactly,” he nodded his head emphatically, “and what makes this calendar so popular?”
“Well it is free…,” I suggested.
That didn’t quite seem to be the answer that he was looking for so I continued, “…the paper quality is good, old JK Bank calendars make good covers for kids’ books…”
“What do you especially consult this calendar for, of course besides the date?” he insisted.
“The holidays!” I said finally getting the drift of his questions. “Since JK Bank calendars list all state holidays it is quite a comfort to scan it for the next day of respite from work.”
“Exactly!” he struck his palm against mine. “The JK Bank is most informative in this regard. Quite useful the way it details the holidays in vivid red with complete information too like whether the holiday is a ‘gazetted’ holiday or a ‘restricted’ one or whether it is specific to a particular region or district like ‘for Kashmir province only’ ‘for Doda/ Kishtwar districts only’. All these details make this calendar a ‘must have’ for every home”.
I nodded in agreement.
He continued, “We could have several equally, if not more, useful calendars.”
“Like?” I asked.
“Well to begin with we could have an ‘H’ calendar where ‘H’ could stand for the ‘Hurriyats’ (all of them) or Hartals. Wouldn’t it be a good idea to have a protest calendar for the whole year so that people can prepare for these in advance? Like the JK Bank calendar it would also specify whether the Hartal is supposed to be state-wide or province, district or a particular mohalla, village or street specific. Then again if a protest is to be held against the visit of some dignitary it can be put in as ‘subject to appearance of X (the particular person)!” he explained.
“Yes that’s a pretty good idea! And what is more this calendar will at last provide a common platform for all the Hurriyats, even if it be only on paper (though art paper for sure!). I am sure this calendar will be sold out within days.” I was quite enthusiastic about the whole idea.
My friend was obviously pleased with my response so he went on, “Then again we could have a ‘Lotus’ calendar.”
“Lotus calendar? You mean that it will have pictures of lotuses or something like that!”
“No it is not about the lotus flower but will be named for Lotus sahib the most famous and popular head the Meteorological Department ever had. You see there must have been guys heading this department previously as well but Lotus sahib is the only one to turn into a celebrity.”
“Exactly the good fellow is so famous that I am sure a hundred years hence people will actually believe that the Lotus flower has been named after him rather than vice versa. You know what! With the fairly accurate weather forecasts associated with the Lotus name one of my friends actually believed ‘Lotus’ to be the name of some hi-tech weather forecasting satellite!” I said.
“This calendar would have different colours indicating when it is going to be sunny or when it is going to rain or snow,” he outlined his idea about the Lotus calendar.
“It will be a hit I am sure! The state of weather is usually a prime concern during the wedding season. Besides maybe with the calendar hanging prominently in their offices our snow clearing agencies might even act promptly the next time there is a heavy snowfall! Any more calendars you have in mind?” I was really taken up by his ideas.
He nodded and said, “Yes the Bijli calendar. The department can issue a yearly calendar with the ‘load-shedding’ days highlighted in black colour and marked with numbers, symbols etc., with a detailed key so that one knows which area has its ‘turn’ of darkness on which date!”
I am sure you will agree that my friend’s ideas would make for a most useful bunch of calendars! Come to think of it the humdrum lives of all of us who live in this ‘paradise on earth’ do revolve around these ‘calendars’ only…
(Truth is mostly unpalatable…but truth cannot be ignored! Here we serve the truth, seasoned with salt and pepper and a dash of sauce (iness!). You can record your burps, belches and indigestion, if any, at snp_ajazbaba@yahoo.com)