Have you ever encountered a situation where you have a lot to tell, a lot to vent, a lot to share but the only thing that stops you letting it all out is the fear of being misunderstood? I am sure, you must have. In fact, at some point everyone does. You prefer not say anything at all.
And you know what happens, there is this pile of stories that builds inside of you every time you chose staying silent. This pile keeps increasing in size until one day when it fails to bear its own weight, falls off and it all comes out of you in the form of anger and frustration. The people around you then start judging you, label you with tags, call you names and eventually you are being known as a bad person. Alas!
You don’t chose to become this person, you are being forced to become this person. Okay, let’s recall one bad day you have had lately where you were declared as being wrong when you know it was not your fault but based on your reactions, you were labelled such way. I am sure you must have felt helpless many a time in such situations where you need somebody to hear you out and not just hear you out but also understand your perspective.
But unfortunately, there is hardly anyone who understands. How many times has this happened that you have tried your best to make the other person understand your point but they have left the conversation in between? If someone who was once known to be talkative, jolly, fun loving and vibrant becomes silent all of a sudden, know that there is a reason behind his/ her silence. Know that there is a story which was left untold. Know that there is a story and situations that have forced that person to become silent. Not all stories are told, not all stories are being heard!
Mental health is for real. Just like any other physical illness, there is something called mental health illness. There is a rise in mental health issues everywhere and so is in our valley Kashmir. But there is still a section of people who don’t find this topic serious enough to be talked about. These are exactly those people who when told about mental health issues respond by saying “it is all in your head” instead of talking about it. Increase in the number of suicidal rates has a direct link to mental health issues.
If the news of suicide attempt gets viral, people abruptly start expressing sympathy and feeling sorry about the incident. It is a misfortune that when our children go to their parents saying they are not feeling okay, or maybe they get bullied in school or elsewhere or any other issue, the parents start telling them it is merely an excuse to escape from studying when it is not. Believe them.
Give them the space to talk openly about how they are feeling. If they are getting angry or if they have impulsive reactions to anything that is being told to them, be kind to them. Learn dealing with them with love. Don’t push them away in their lows. Be with them. Become friends with them. It is simple, you can either teach your children with love and watch them happy or you can teach them harshly and watch them drift away. Choice is yours.
Mental health topic is still a stigma in our society. If you are having fever, you take medicines and if you still don’t feel better, it is obvious you will go consult a doctor. So, the point is when you don’t shy away from consulting a doctor and taking a day off from your work, because of your physical illness, why is there a shame in taking care of your mental health? In my opinion, mental health is as important as physical health.
Especially, in our valley, there is still a void somewhere when it comes to mental health. Undoubtedly, there has been a lot of awareness carried out regarding mental health but the situation at our homes is still different. There is still a fear of sharing how you feel mentally because of the associated judgments that come along with it.
There is a high need to spread awareness regarding people that it is okay to feel a certain way. It is impossible to expect sunrises without sunsets; with each passing day, there is a beautiful night ahead of it. So, it is hardly possible to expect happiness and smiles and laughter all the time. There are days when you feel sad, upset and low all day and it is okay.
These are all emotions. They come and go. You don’t always have a good day, you are going to have bad days too without any reason and it is never a curse to have a bad day. Let us normalize it. If you expect life to be perfect always and every time, then you are probably living a delusional life! Take yourself out of this delusion as early as possible. It is going to help you for sure.
Let us listen to our children when they say they are feeling a certain way. Let us not pass our judgments and declare them useless. Let us believe them for once. Why is it always that when your child tells you that he/she is not feeling good, you immediately start counting all the things they have in their lives, be it luxuries, or anything and eventually start questioning them that how is it possible to have miseries in life when you have everything? Why in the first place is mental health being made directly proportional to luxuries? More luxurious your life, more healthy your mental being? Why? It is absolutely not true!
There are people who live a better life financially and yet suffer mental health issues. Those people are often found seeking professional help. There is no shame in this. It is in fact something that shows how important you are to yourself.
Taking care of yourself is no shame, be it physically or mentally. Acceptance is the first step towards mental health. Acknowledging the fact that mental health exists is going to improve the relationship with your children a lot.
BY Sana Khurshid
sanakhurshid263@gmail.com