You may have noticed that most New Year’s resolutions come from a place of guilt, “should,” and a pressure to “be the best version” of ourselves. No wonder that the enthusiasm fizzles after a couple of weeks, because trying to transform from a place of assuming we are not good enough is always going to be a recipe for discouragement and even disappointment. This year, you are invited to skip the empty, guilt-driven resolutions and instead start your new year by connecting with yourself mindfully and with intention.
Connecting with yourself is easy. Setting intentions can actually be fun, liberating, and aligned. It doesn’t have to be stressful or filled with a sense that we’re not measuring up. Looking at the year behind and the year ahead with mindful awareness and compassion is a powerful way to usher in fresh beginnings. Whether you are brand new to mindfulness or an experienced meditator, it is hoped you will bring your full, honest self and start the New Year feeling connected, centred, and grounded!
Many people think that being true to oneself means being selfish or refusing to change, but that does not reflect the spirit of the advice. Being true to yourself means that you take advantage of your best traits to find true happiness rather than fleeting gratification, you continually check in with yourself to realign your goals, and you allow yourself to make mistakes on your journey toward becoming a better person. Whether you are still looking for your true self or you are looking for ways to stand up for it, here are some tips which you are advised to apply mindfully for how to be true to yourself.
This first step is listening to yourself. If you are still struggling to find the real you -whether you are a young person in high school or you’ve spent your life following others’ expectations – the first step is to listen to yourself.
The next step is to take control of your happiness. Once you get a better sense of who you are, you will better understand your goals and what makes you happy. Many people are unfulfilled in life because they’re waiting for other people to make them happy, but a key part of being true to yourself is understanding that you’re in charge of your life, including your own happiness and fulfilment.
Thereafter you need to prioritize your own needs. People-pleasing – prioritizing the happiness of others in front of your own – is the ultimate way to live inauthentically, and can lead to unhappiness. In order to start living according to your true self, you need to stop being a people-pleaser and pursue your own happiness first. Putting yourself first doesn’t mean practicing selfish behaviour, it means pursuing your own goals and interests rather than pursuing the goals and interests that family members and loved ones want you to pursue.
Learn to let go. Every so often, take inventory of the things in your life that do not work for you anymore – like negative thinking, harping on personal flaws, and problematic relationships – and let these things go. Leaving things that hurt you in the past will help you grow and progress on your journey of personal growth.
Before leaving this world for good, Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple gave a very sane advice: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice.”
By observing these pieces of advice you should seek to thrive, not just survive. That means you do not have to compete or compare yourself with anyone. Authenticity means you are enough. It is enough to be who you are to get what you want. What if for the first time ever, you were real? What if you said what you wanted to say, did what you wanted to do, and didn’t apologize for it? You were assertive, forthcoming in your opinions or actions to stand for what is right for you, rather than being passive or aggressive in doing so. You didn’t let things get to you. You knew you had something special to offer. That is where we all should be.
Bhushan Lal Razdan, formerly of the Indian Revenue Service, retired as Director General of Income Tax (Investigation), Chandigarh.