Minding one’s own business is avirtue, an art and a science that Europe has been practising for ages. Lately,the European Council coined an alternative term, Subsidiarity, in order to helppeople understand their role in the world. Minding one’s own business impliesnot poking your nose in somebody else’s business— what in Urdu is called,”dakhal dar ma’qoolaat”. You believe that you’re responsible for the universeand interfering in other people’s business is your right. It’s an attitude, abehaviour which manifests itself in giving your advice and wanting things tohappen the way you like. If things don’t happen the way you had wanted, youfeel anxious, stressed, dismayed and discouraged. Surprisingly, when other peopleinterfere in your matters, you feel offended and tell them, “Why don’t you mindyour own business?” Minding one’s ownbusiness is what Scrooge (in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol) tells people when theyask him to know what other people are doing on Christmas: “It’s not mybusiness,” Scrooge returned. “It’s enough for a man to understand his ownbusiness, and not to interfere with other people’s. Mine occupies meconstantly.” Walking around with the weight of the world on your shoulders, youfail to focus on your own world—your family, neighbours, etc. By interfering inother people’s business, you are actually doing a great disservice to the worldand to yourself.
Minding one’s own businessdoesn’t imply not chiming in where your help is needed/sought. You can’t justwatch and wait a murder happening, a person drowning, your neighbour’s housecatching fire, or a road accident injuring/killing somebody. It surely doesn’tmean leaving people in lurch when you are around to render a helping hand. Rather, it refers to the way/s you sanctionothers without any moral (or, legal) authority to do so. John Stuart Mill says,”We do not call anything wrong, unless we mean to imply that person ought to bepunished in some way or other, for doing it; if not by law, by the opinion ofhis fellow creatures; if not by opinion, by the reproaches of his ownconscience.” Mill is trying to linkobligation with legitimacy in sanctioning others. But, we need to know who hasthe authority to punish a particular immoral act? What gives the person right to punish? Whoare we accountable to? Who are these “fellow creatures”? If all of us feel thatall of us are sanctioners and start sanctioning people, the world would go todogs.
Interfering in other people’sbusiness seems to be ingrained in our subconscious mind. We can’t wait theperson to finish what he/she has to say. We become impatient and scuttlehim/her. There could be many reasons for interfering in other people’s matters:One, you feel that you are qualified to give advice because you know betterthan the other person. Two, you have afixed view of the things and expect others to have the same view. You feeltempted to tell the other person what he/she should/shouldn’t do. Three, youtake the responsibility of everybody’s business on our shoulders. You neverthink that the other people also are capable of taking care of themselves,perhaps, in a much better way. As a virtue, minding one’s own business teachesyou to be patient, accommodating and respectful to others.
The art of minding one’s ownbusiness implies knowing when and when not to get involved in other people’sbusiness. It’s a virtue and art that makes one more responsible and responsive.In Kashmir, this virtue has neither been learned, not ever talked about. Asmentioned above, in matters of life and death, you can’t mind your business.However, if a couple is breaking up, or somebody has a challenging job to do,there’s surely no need for you to butt in. Recently, a Kashmiri female actorsaid good-bye to her film career. Everybody started putting their nose into it.The same thing had happened when she had opted for it. A former bureaucrat’sjoining politics became everybody’s business and sermons poured in from alldirections.
In religious matters, especially,all of us try to be more knowledgeable than the other. I’m not talking aboutpreachers, or imams on the pulpit. I’m referring to the commoners who passfatwas very easily. Recently, I was offering a prayer at a city mosque. Themuezzin standing beside me for saying iqamah, looked down at my trouser-cuffssuspcisouly. Finding them below the ankles, issued an on-spot fatwah: “patloonthavhuz godav hyor; yi nemazai nahuz che jaiz”. I kept quiet and went on with pants as they were because I’m not ahypocrite to turn over their cuffs during nimaz and straighten them after it.It was good that he didn’t tell me why I had not done rafa’ul yadain, or said’ameen’ loudly, though he didn’t himself do that. Irrespective of whether or notwearing capri-like pants is a religious binding, the question is why don’t wemind our own business and let people offer prayers the way they like or havelearned? A friend of mine told me that in the last Ramadhan at a mosque,somebody had said ‘ameen’ loudly. After the prayer was over, a fellowworshipper pounced on him for saying it that way. It was good that others therewere more tolerant and reprimanded the person for not minding his own business.
How does one then mind his/herown business? Here, are a few suggestions: (1) Offer advice only when it issought. Don’t unnecessarily chime in. (2) Don’t expect that your piece ofadvice will necessarily be accepted. (3) Step back from a situation where youfeel that you need to take sides. Let the people sort their things themselves.(4) You are responsible for yourself and not for others, and (5) don’t passfatwas because they often lead to uncalled for skirmishes.