Here’s a man you’ve known, is everywhere. He maybe a member of your family……………you yourself, your brother/sister, father and even wife. I’m referring to the ‘nice-guy’. Sounds familiar? A ‘nice-guy’s’ primary goal is to make others happy. He’s been conditioned to believe that if he’s malleable, good, giving, and caring, he’ll be loved, get what he wants, and therefore have a smooth life. He smiles a great deal, is cheerful with everyone, is frequently religious, never quarrels, seldom gets angry, appears to be universally liked and might be thought to have many close friendships. This is the fellow who doesn’t have an enemy in the world. He’s kind of a fellow who gets to kowtow to the wishes of others and hold his own desires inside himself…… typical of ‘Nice-Guy’ sentiments.
Who’s a ‘nice-guy’? He’s the relative who lets wife run the show. He’s the friend who’ll do anything for anybody, but whose own life seems to be in shambles. He’s the guy who frustrates wife because he’s so afraid of conflict that nothing ever gets resolved. He’s the boss who tells one person what they want to hear, then reverses himself to please someone else. He’s the man who lets people walk all over him because he doesn’t want to rock the boat. He’s the dependable fellow at work who’ll never say “no,” but would never tell anyone if they’re imposing on him. He’s the man whose life seems so under control, until BOOM, one day he does something to destroy it all.
‘Nice-guy’ seeks the approval of others and tries to hide his perceived flaws and mistakes. He sacrifices his personal power and often plays the role of a victim. He puts other people’s needs and wants before his own. ‘Nice-guy’ sacrifices and bears the humiliation of sinking through the floors of people as also hanging on the sleeve of bigwigs. The tongue-tied individual with a classic defence carved out pretend that the threat to his collective self-respect doesn’t exist. As saying ‘yes’ to everything always is the quality of sweetness and humility, people like ‘nice-guy’ for his quality of never–saying–no. Who won’t like to have this milk-toast around? ‘Nice-guy’ co-creates relationships that are less than satisfying. He may create situations in which he frequently fails to live up his full potential.
People want to be agreeable, especially if they want others to like them. Being agreeable, according to some, means agreeing; here lies the rub. And this can sometimes be difficult. However, people take a less strong position and avoid disagreeing. When someone says something hateful or hurtful, usually to others, it may be difficult to agree, or at least we might think we ought not to agree. When someone says something that we think is untrue, we might not want to agree. And when someone lavishes praise on a politician we don’t like, we might find it hard to agree. There’re many circumstances when agreeing is difficult, and this is when doing so makes us feel false but something we, in the sycophantic-parlance, call the traits of ‘nice-guy’.
There is no such thing as a person who never gets angry—there is only that suppress anger. Delaying expression of it may be necessary. Passively hostile people…… the ‘nice-guys’…..are much harder to get along with those who express themselves with honest direct anger. For while their behaviour and their bodies are showing in a dozen ways that they’ve been ‘hurt’, they’re at the same time denying that anything is wrong. The result is that the acid of accumulating grudges eats away at the friendship when the ordinary ‘nice-guy’ erupts in a vicious rage. ‘Nice-guy’ believes in putting the needs of others before his own, avoids confrontations, does favours, gives emotional support and tries to get out of trouble.
A common aphorism is that “nice-guys finish last.” The phrase is attributed to baseball manager, Leo Durocher. The full quote is “Take a look at them. They’re all nice-guys, but they’ll finish last. Nice-guys Finish last.” But as a matter of fact, such persons can’t only develop a host of psychological problems but can also have clogged-up relationships. That may sound contradictory. But popularity isn’t synonymous with intimacy, and this man who’s superficially liked by everyone is rarely liked by anyone. He’s never perceived as open. There’s something about the chronically cheerful person that doesn’t quite ring true. He’s dull. The ‘nice-guy’ is pleasant to be around at first, but in the long run, most of us prefer the company of people with passion. They may aggravate us at times, but at least they don’t bore. If he can’t show anger, he’s inept at showing love as well. His emotions are so tightly controlled that he’s no range.
Agreeing to disagree can be seen as a method of being able to air opposing views without the intolerant insistence on the agreement. The concept of agreeing-to-disagree is a hard thing to “sell” because human nature is very insistent on the popular methods of wanting to appear pleasant, not wanting to be disagreeable and wanting to save all disagreement to a point where it attains critical mass to a point where the smallest spark will cause a catastrophic explosion. Appeasement, compromise, pleasant appearances, and unexpressed resentment are all the methods preferred by most that then result in larger disagreements that are too complicated to overcome without a “war”. People deal with disagreements immediately when they become apparent and they don’t keep disagreements to themselves for fear of despoiling a perfectly clear sky with a small rain cloud. They allow the cloud to spill some rain and prevent it to develop into a thunderstorm. Wherever a small cloud has developed into a thunderstorm, these fellows know that agreeing-to-disagree will help, but it’s no guarantee for eliminating all clouds.
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