Dr. U Kaul’s OPD at Gauri Heart Centre was packed with patients on a typical Friday morning. Among them was an old man who needed assistance to walk and his daughter who was there to support him. He was my patient and after treating him, I went to attend to a frail patient in her car and noticed the father and daughter sitting in the waiting hall, exchanging warm smiles and enjoying a rare moment together.
I noticed their prolonged wait, approached them and asked if they needed any assistance. “We’ve already had your consultation, doctor. Thank you for asking,” the daughter replied. I looked at them with concern, wondering why they were still sitting in the waiting hall. “Do you need any transport back home?” I asked. The daughter’s eyes welled up with tears as she replied, “No, doctor. We look forward to these moments together. I am married and don’t get to spend as much time with my father as I would like.”
My expression softened thinking that her in-laws might be the reason why she couldn’t visit her father’s home. “Do your in-laws not allow you to visit your father?” I asked sympathetically. The daughter shook her head. “No, doctor. My in-laws have no problem with me visiting my ailing father. It’s my brothers who live with him and they don’t feel comfortable with me coming over. It’s just that my brothers don’t like it when I go to see him.”
My heart sank as I thought about the situation. “But why doesn’t your father live in his own home?” I asked. The daughter sighed deeply. “It is my father’s house, doctor. He built a huge business empire, and my brothers joined him in his business. Everything belongs to my father. It’s just that my brothers don’t want me to come over and visit.”
My face was filled with sadness as I realised that this was not an isolated case, there are hundreds of daughters and sons who hesitate to visit their parents because of the apathy and unreasonable attitude of adult children towards their parents and their siblings.
The elderly man went on, “When aged parents need to socialise, meet with their relatives, and children, our communication and meetings are restricted due to the absolutely unwarranted attitude of our adult children. People need to ponder and think on this heart-wrenching social issue and look for a remedy.” The daughter nodded her head in agreement. “It’s a sad state of affairs, doctor. People really need to think about this issue and find a remedy. Our parents deserve so much more than this. Can you please write on this ignored but vital issue.”
The daughter was helpless and could only look forward to stealing moments to see her father. She continued, “These moments are precious to me, doctor. I cherish them as much as I can.”
I replied, “You are doing the best thing and the best way to show love to your parents is by spending time with them. It’s a priceless gift.” I also promised her that I would make her story known and take up this issue.
It was a goodbye time with her father and she was feeling sad and frustrated that she couldn’t spend more time with her father. She wished that her brothers could see the importance of their father’s presence in their lives.
As they left the clinic, the daughter and her father held hands tightly, cherishing the time they spent together. “Let’s not worry about them, dad,” she said. “We have each other, and that’s all that matters.” The old man smiled, his eyes filled with love and pride for his daughter. “You’re right, my dear. We have each other, and that’s all we need.” Together, they walked down the street, their hearts heavy with the weight of the world, but their spirits lifted by the love they shared.
For all of us, it is important to understand the value of family and the importance of spending time with our ageing parents. Our parents have spent their entire lives caring for us, and now it is our turn to care for them. They deserve to be loved, respected, and cherished in their golden years.
As we grow older, our priorities shift, and we may become busy with our own family and career. However, we must never forget the sacrifices that our parents have made for us. They have always been there for us, and now it’s our turn to be there for them. Take the time to call them regularly and ask about their health and wellbeing. Visit them as often as possible and take them out for a meal or a walk in the park. It’s the little things that matter the most to them.
If you have siblings, encourage them to visit your parents and spend time with them. Don’t let petty issues or misunderstandings come in the way of family bonding. Remember that life is short, and you don’t want to regret not spending enough time with your parents when they are gone.
Dr. Zubair saleem is a Senior Geriatric Consultant and Gerontologist
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are the personal opinions of the author.
The facts, analysis, assumptions and perspective appearing in the article do not reflect the views of GK